Stop Being Such A Whiner

I'm realizing how self-centered I am. My once philanthropic riding endeavor has become this near obsession to progress, achieve, and conquer. I've lost sight of the fact that ...

~ every five minutes, someone new is diagnosed with blood cancer
~ every 10 minutes, someone dies
~ Leukemia causes more deaths than any other cancer among children and young adults under the age of 20

The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society is the world's largest voluntary health organization dedicated to funding blood cancer research, education and patient services. The Society's mission: Cure leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin's disease and myeloma, and improve the quality of life of patients and their families.

My cycling challenge isn't just for cycling' sake ... but to help raise funds to save lives. I need to be more mindful of that every time I'm tempted to beat myself up for falling short.

My Nemesis?

"What the heck?" is all I can say.

We headed to Napa this morning. I was so excited I could hardly stand it! It was freezing, but I didn't care. About 3 miles up Dry Creek, I was getting nervous, really nervous, so my breathing was off. I got winded and had to stop ... a couple times to be exact. With my friend in front of me and my brother behind me, I also felt totally self conscious. I know they want to make sure I didn't crash again ... but hey, so do I, so of course I'm gonna be more careful. I finally told them, "Don't follow me; you're making me nervous!" We also decided to forget Veeder at the moment, I would calm down, and just see how I felt at the top of Dry Creek.

I slowed down and calmed down and finally got my rhythm down. I was feeling good, feeling strong. On the last incline, I'd decided I wanted to go ahead and give Veeder a try. I was gonna tell the guys when we got the stop sign at the top of the hill, but then the freakiest thing happened. Just as I was slowing down to stop, I noticed my right foot felt wobbly. I called out to the guys, "I think my pedal just came off!" Sure enough, the threads stripped a bit; my pedal, still attached to my shoe, separated from the crank. My ride would be over for the day.

I'm About To Burst!

I'm so excited I can't stand it. I had a hard time falling asleep last night 'cuz I kept thinking about it. What, you ask, is getting me all giddy? I'm riding tomorrow ... in Napa ... hopefully Mt. Veeder ... but we'll see how I feel at the top of Dry Creek first.

Lake Herman has gotten B-O-R-I-N-G!
I'm ready to be challenged again.

Team In Training's informational meetings for the spring season are in January, so training is just around the corner!

I CAN'T WAIT!

Keep the Door Open

Well Shut My Mouth

Well the weather's cleared up, and while I want to ride, I don't have the energy. Did I mention the bracket on my lower right molar came off just before Thanksgiving? I had been wearing these moose bands in an upside down V to help with the last bit of positioning for my jaw. The bands are so tight, I guess it just pulled the bracket off. It didn't hurt. It just wasn't adhered to my tooth, so it would slide on the wire.

Good news is, I didn't have to wear the uncomfortable bands during Thanksgiving! Bad news is, they just fixed the bracket on Wednesday. In fact, they repositioned 3 other brackets while they were in there. So for the past couple days, my teeth have been hurting somethin' awful. To add to that, I started wearing the moose bands again last night :-( They are so tight I can't open my mouth. And ... I have to wear them as often as I can, except for when I'm eating.

Hmmm ~ does that mean I should eat all the time?!

My orthodontist said with the continued use of the stronger rubber bands, my bite should come along really well. In January, I'll have some special x-rays taken where they'll be able to identify the bone density at the breaks and where I lost my teeth. The braces will come off shortly after that, and they'll fashion me a retainer with prosthetic teeth. My surgeon and my dentist will then coordinate bone grafting and the dental implant process ... a process that'll take at least a year. I can't wait to have my own teeth again!

Funny story - last month, a friend of mine came with me to my ortho appointment. I always ask to brush my teeth when they remove the wires, so I can get in a really good, unobstructed brushing. While walking to the restroom, I briefly stopped just in front of my friend and smiled really big :-) She was on her cell phone, but her eyes got really big! She thought I'd had my implants awhile ago!

There's Something About the Rain ...

"Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more "

(Edwin McCain's "I Could Not Ask For More")

Countdown

We rode Dry Creek this morning (Friday). I hadn't been anywhere near that area since July 5th, so approaching the Redwood Exit, I started getting nervous. But the nervousness quickly subsided as I geared up in the chilly, morning air that I love. We only did a portion of the route, but I felt good, felt strong. I plan on doing the whole thing sometime soon.

Before going home, we drove up the backside of Mt. Veeder. It's as steep, narrow, and curvy as I remember. Around every other turn, I'd ask, "Is that it?" And then we finally passed it. We continued up to the area where I started my 36.6 mph descent on that fateful July morning and then back down to the accident site where we stopped for a bit. As I stood at the ditch, i thought, " ... oh, we're in front of Mt. Veeder Winery ... what a pretty sign ... i thought the ditch was wider than that ... " I turned around, looked up at the hill that I'd mismanaged, and tried to imagine myself coming out of the last two turns, the path I probably followed, the trajectory I most likely took, and then turned to the spot where I most likely landed. I just stood there awhile. Valle vs. Veeder. It seemed surreal.

But the hill hasn't won. The game isn't over. I'll be back for a rematch ~ December 15th. Wanna come?

I Said No!

Andrew and I rode again Thanksgiving morning! First ride w/ his clipless pedals, so I was a bit worried ... but he did great. He'd been doing 7.5 mile rides, so I was determined to get him to the Lake Herman exit this time. Didn't quite go as planned, but it was a pretty funny ride, nonetheless.

We stopped where he's been turning around to head back. He drank some water, and I asked if he was ready for more. He said nope. I'm turning around right here. We bantered back and forth till he finally agreed to ride out a little more ... just past that tree over there, I said. Well, he rode waaay past the designated tree; and when he stopped, he turned his bike around to make it perfectly clear that he wasn't planning on riding out any farther. I asked anyway, "You gonna ride some more after you rest?" He just said, "NO." So we turned around and headed back home.

I laugh because it reminds me of the first time I rode the Lake Herman Loop. There was a spot where I stopped, turned around, and refused to go any farther. I argued because I was sure if I went all the way to Lake Herman, I wouldn't be able to ride back. I begged, I pleaded. My friend simply said, "NO!" And we turned around and continued back up the hill.

Although he didn't make it to Lake Herman, I DO give Andrew credit for doubling his regular mileage and riding 14 miles. I added miles towards the end of our ride :-) Rolling again this weekend.

By the way, I mentioned being ready to take on Mt. Veeder soon. Andrew and the girls immediately gave a resounding "NO!" Do I really have to wait till THEY are ready?

Happy Thanksgiving!

One of my favorite quotes ... "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." ~ Unknown

Moments come and go so quickly, not to be repeated again. So why limit life?

While we may not be physically able to do some things at certain times of our lives, I remind myself, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

I can think
I can love
I can learn
I can anticipate
I can hope & dream
I can cry
I can share
I can get caught up ...

Don't hold back - experience it all. Smell the roses, and hold your breath.

I love it when ___ takes my breath away. You fill in the blank.

... a song
... a scent
... a sight
... a word
... a touch
... a memory
... a friend

Look for those colorful moments everyday and give thanks!

Look Who's Riding!

We've ridden together three times now for a total of 20.1 miles. Andrew's doing really great. I'm hoping he'll be open to doing the entire Lake Herman route Thanksgiving morning. Notice his gear? I'll be getting his clipless pedals tomorrow :-)

On Guard

Remember I quoted C.S. Lewis? "God sometimes seems to speak to us most intimately when he catches us, as it were, off our guard.” Well, I read that in fencing, the guard is a position of readiness assumed by a fencer with body and weapon to prepare for attack, defense and counteroffense. A fencer first assumes the guard from first position.

Now, I've never taken up fencing, but that is SO me. And it became all the more real to me when I received an early morning call from Hawaii on Sept. 30th. Though very much appreciated, the call woke me up before I was able to ... put on my guard ... and my response of tears really surprised me, though it shouldn't have. I was, after all, feeling disappointed, discouraged, and left behind ... though I rarely acknowledged it.

See, I was supposed to ride in the Honolulu Century on Sept. 30th, but it's been almost 2 months since it's come and gone. And it's taken me this long to blog about it. Though disappointing, missing The Marin Metric wasn't hard to get over, since I was able to see the team at the finish line. Missing Honolulu, on the other hand, stirred up emotions in me that caught me totally off guard. I'm better now, but in retrospect I really was okay back then too.

I feel like I always need to be strong, and I realize I am not. But instead of being disappointed in myself, I'm realizing those moments remind me of how much I am in need of my Savior, Jesus Christ. What wonderful opportunities to experience fresh revelations of His presence in my life.

I Love My Peeps

God has brought some wonderful women into my life, at this time of my life. They're not perfect, they're real, authentic, and transparent, God-honoring women who make me laugh and think and cry and pray. We share moments weekly, even daily ... moments that God knows I desperately need. They are Supportive, Entertaining, and Xuberant, and they remind me to pause and to enJOY today.


PS ~ Andrew and I have been riding! 5 miles on Saturday and 7.5 miles today. We'll shoot for 10 this weekend. Riding with Andrew has been good for me, as I have the tendency to push myself way too much for my own good right now. But the moment he starts catching up to me or passing me up - I'm high tailing it into another gear ;-)

Downtime

Feelin' better after deciding to give myself some much needed (biking) downtime - not that I'm doing all that much. But it's amazing what no calendar, no schedule, no goal, and no measuring can do. It's all self-imposed, really ... the pressure and expectations. But with Andrew getting his bike, and with his "I'm not doing no endurance event, I'm doing this for my heart" statement, I've found myself sort of easing up on the "training mentality" and just feeling excited to be able to spend some time on the road behind him! Funny thing is, he hasn't been able to ride yet. After he bought his bike, his gout flared up. But we're hoping to do some pedaling around this weekend. Even HE is looking forward to it! And you know what? I'm kinda missing golf!

Just a medical update - I've been given a clean bill of health from my physical therapist! Though I will miss Petra and her warm, German-accented, chit-chattiness ~ I will NOT miss her jaw-bone stretching treatments ;-) Now just my orthodontist and chiropractor appointments. Whew.

(My surgery was 4 months ago today.)

The Body Knows

I guess I was pretty exhausted last week. Monday night, I fell asleep at 8 pm and didn't get up till 7 the next morning. I took it easy in the middle of the week. But then last night, I crashed out early again with a horrible headache. I'm not normally a napper, so I guess my body just wanted some much needed rest.

Now that I'm working again, I'm having trouble keeping to an eating and drinking schedule, like I used to when I was training. It's very easy for me to get caught up in projects, and by the time I know it - it's 2 in the afternoon! I'm not doing a very good job at remembering to take my meds either. There's just so much to keep track of and do that it really does get kinda irritating after awhile. There were the twice daily, occupational therapy exercises with the clay ball and elastic band that I've just totally omitted from my regime. There's the cheek muscle stretching thing I'm supposed to do morning and evening. And then the meds - five different pills (some horse-pills in size), oh and not to mention the morning protein shake with which I'm supposed to start the day! Thank goodness the doctors' appointments have dwindled down. I know - I seem like an organized person ... and in most other cases, I really am. It's just gotten a bit much for me. I can't imagine what those going through chemotherapy and radiation treatments have to go thru. (I can hear you cancer survivors going, "Ya, that's nothin!)

Me -I'm not fighting for my life. I fell. I got an owie (a big one). And I'm recovering. I know that. But I can't tell you how emotional this journey has been and still is for me. The questions, the frustration, the thankfulness, the disappointments, the gratitude, the guilt, the exhaustion, the bursts of energy, and then the exhaustion again.

I can't even begin to imagine the ups and downs of those battling with cancer, fighting for their lives. So please, if you remember, continue to pray for me, and continue to pray for those whose lives have been forever affected with cancer. The road is so much longer than we think ... I just thank God we never have to walk the road alone. Thanks to those of you who've been there.

"As it were"

“What seem our worst prayers may really be, in God's eyes, our best. Those, I mean, which are least supported by devotional feeling. For these may come from a deeper level than feeling. God sometimes seems to speak to us most intimately when he catches us, as it were, off our guard.” C.S. Lewis

"As it were." Is that like when we talk and motion open and closed quotation marks with our fingers when we say "a certain word"? Meaning to say, this is what we're saying, but we really don't mean what we're saying, but I know you know what I'm REALLY saying?

I've recently become more prayerful, as it were ;-) Not that I've physically been on my knees more, but that the posture of my heart has changed ... as I just flat out tell God stuff sometimes, without censor. Try it. Draw near to God, and He'll draw near to you. And don't worry ... God will never be surprised by what you have to say or feel.

So ... I've been thinking ... I should probably change the name of my blog. My posts have been few and far between, mostly because my rides have been just as frequent. And alot of times, the things I have on my mind have nothing to do with riding anymore, but with the unexpected things I'm learning about myself as I'm NOT riding as much. But we'll see. Feel free to suggest a title or two ...

Oh How He Warms My Heart

Well, he's finally gone and done it!

Andrew bought himself a bike on Sunday, and oh how it warms my heart!

We'll take a spin around the neighborhood soon :-)

Wanna Race? (Ya right)

18 miles this afternoon, but feeling somewhat uninspired ... and left behind. Someone told me, "It's not who finishes the race first, but that you finish." I said, "Ya, but I'm not even IN the race yet!"

So I'm just chugging along, keeping to my 10% mileage increase per week. (Though I can now add a mid-week ride of half the mileage on my indoor trainer.)

I think I also miss is the comraderie that comes with coached trainings and group rides. Good news is ... Andrew's alot closer to buying a bike of his own!

I Want To Ride My Bicycle

If anyone knows how to post songs on their blog, please let me know. Woke up this morning with a song in my heart ... this song by Queen :-)

"Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle

I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like"

Everybody sing it now ....

The Tan Line Fades

I had to take a break which was really hard to do. But I rode yesterday for the first time in a couple weeks. I didn't notice till after I put my shorts on, but my biker tan is fading. An indication of my deacreasing time out on the road. Always hated the tan line. Now I kinda miss it.

I had a good ride. Around mile 12 this SUV pulls up behind me and slows down. I try to stay focused and keep pedaling. I get a little creeped out, though, as the window's rolling down. But this really sweet guy (Andrew) calls out, "Hey, how ya doing?"

Nice surprise, Honey. Thanks for checkin' on me.

Words of Wisdom from a Survivor

I want to share this email I received from a courageous friend of mine ... Thanks L. for your courange, your friendship, and your inspiration ...

Dear Family and Friends,

As most of you know - October is BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH and it was two years ago this month that I finished chemotherapy for my breast cancer! By the grace of God, I continue to be healthy and cancer free and I am very grateful for that. The purpose of my email is two - fold. First, I want to encourage you to shop at Safeway this month. They have thousands of items that are tagged "pink ribbon" and a portion of the proceeds goes to the Safeway BC Foundation. These are normal items you would purchase anyway - everything from meat to snacks! Kmart and Raleys have lots of pink ribbon items as well. Second, since my "journey" through breast cancer, I have had a lot of time to think about things that were said and done by well meaning people that were just plain WRONG. No sour grapes here, though, my intention is to educate you and help cancer patients and their families that you may encounter in the future. So I have compiled a list that I will entitle:

THE TOP 10 WAYS TO HELP A CANCER PATIENT & THEIR FAMILY

1) Say, "I'm praying for you." And then DO IT!

2) Treat your friend/relative the same as you did before their cancer diagnosis. Throw in a few extra hugs.

3) Share a story about a friend/relative who BEAT cancer and keep stories about all those who died from it to yourself.

4) Offer to do something helpful like bring a meal, do yardwork, or clean their home.

5) Take their kids on a fun outing such as to a park or movie.

6) Send LOTS of cards. Amazing how a simple card could lift my spirits on the darkest of days!

7) Even though you may be curious, DO NOT ask specific questions like - "How big was the tumor?" "How many lymphnodes were involved?" "How long have you got to live?" The cancer patient will give you the amount of info she/he is willing to share.

8) Be a good listener. You don't have to be a problem solver or give advice.

9) Be sensitive about what you say. A cancer diagnosis is more than a bump in the road of life, is not always preventable through diet/exercise, and the bright side is not getting a pair of new Pamela Anderson breasts!

10) BE THERE to support your friend through this difficult time. As tough as it is for you to see your friend in pain, it's even tougher for your friend to feel the pain of abandonment, as if having cancer wasn't enough.

So, there it is. I hope each of you will NEVER have to use these tips in the future, but unfortunately, I know many of your friends/family, and possibly even you, will battle this disease in the coming years.

Thanks and much love-
L. Clark
2 1/2 year breast cancer survivor because of HIM in whom I put my faith and trust.

FINE

"How ya doing?"
"I'm fine ..."

Fine ... Someone told me "fine" is code for ~

F - frustrated
I - insecure
N - neurotic
E - emotional

~ which is how I often REALLY feel :-(

I'm frustrated at not yet being fully healed.
I'm insecure about my ability to complete a century.
I'm neurotic about getting back on some kind of a training schedule.
I'm emotional about feeling like this, when I know I should just be grateful to be alive.

So that's how i'm really feeling.

I Am Fearfully And Wonderfully Made

"Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; too lofty for me to attain. Truly you have formed my innermost being.... I give you thanks that I am fearfully, wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:13-14)

I thought I was ready to kick it into high gear with my cycling regime. It has been 3 months, after all. I'd been going out riding and increasing my mileage by two miles a week. Once I was able to do my house to Lake Herman and back (16.5 miles), I figured I was ready for more. It had been my short, easy ride prior to my accident, so surely I was ready!

My goal was to increase my mileage every other day. That way I still had a rest day between rides. I did ...

12 miles on Thursday, 9/27
16 miles on Sunday, 9/30
17 miles on Tuesday, 10/2

I felt strong during the rides. It's recovering from them that I'm having trouble with, now that I've increased my weekly mileage. It started on Wednesday ~ I felt fatigued. Someone asked me if I had just woken up ... this was at 5:30 pm! My face was slightly swollen again, and I could definitely feel it in my chin. "Good thing it was a rest day," I figured. "Surely I'll be ready to ride again on Thursday.

Thursday rolls around, and though I'm not as tired, I start to feel some pain in my face. Back to the cold compresses that night. (OH ~ we were invited for dinner Thursday evening by one of the families who brought us a meal after my surgery. I was not able to partake of her delicious dish, since my jaw was wired shut. So they had us over and made it again for us Thursday night! Yumm-O!)

Friday ~ I take it easy, because though I felt better than Thursday, I didn't want to relapse. So definitely no early morning ride ... but maybe I'll be okay by the afternoon? And then it rains ... DARNIT! I WAS SOOO GONNA RIDE! Good thing I didn't though ... Because this morning, I didn't get up till 9 am. I must have really been tired, because I ususally can't sleep past 7:30!

Am I disappointed? Not so much. I knew I'd have to see how my body responded to my new goal and adjust accordingly. Though it seems reasonable in my mind, I'm learning how to listen to my body, which is fearfully and wonderfully made.

Up and Down

Life can be alot like this staircase. It's beautiful, isn't it? Almost like a piece of art. Sometimes we're going up; sometimes we're going down. Sometimes we can't see where we're going, and it's scary. Sometimes we CAN and it's even more scary ~ paralyzing at times.

I get frightened on stairs where I can see between the steps. I wanna go up, but the thought of falling is terrifying, and I get stuck. Sometimes I even have to go back down.

But the staircase is beautiful, none the less, a work of art ... and so am I ... and so are you.

Gettin' There!

Snuck in a ride this morning ... and it felt good. 12 miles in 56 minutes with an average speed of 12.8 mph. A huge improvement from my first ride after getting clearance (7.5 miles in 50 minutes). Slowly but surely, I'm gettin' there ..... Get ready Veeder!

One Down Four To Go

I was officially discharged from Occupational Therapy yesterday! My wrist is much stronger. And I can identify specific activities that cause strain ... like scooping ice cream :-( That means no ice cream for me ... NOT! I just have Andrew scoop it :-)

I have to continue certain strengthening exercises, but I'm no longer under my OT's regular care. That's one less doctors appointment for me! Now there's just my physical therapist, chiropractor, dentist, and orthodontist.

Don't get me wrong ... I LOVE my health care team! It's just that I'm getting a little tired of seeing you all so much ;-)

Ride Just to Ride?

Went out for a 10 mile ride today. Read a couple good cycling articles about recovering from an injury, so I tried not to think about performance - ride just to ride.

Ventured out of my neighborhood and headed 5 miles towards Lake Herman and back.

8 AM - the sun was out, but the wind was blowing. I turn around just at the end of my driveway to put the warmers on. Good thing I did, too.

Tried not to think about speed, cadence, or how much training I have do. Breath and pedal - that's all I thought about, the legs and lungs needing to get acclimated to my increased activity. The neck and chin have been pretty good. No muscles spasms.

But my thoughts wandered to a single mom of 3 children whom I met a couple weeks ago. (Our daughters go to school together.) Her husband passed away in July 2006. He seemed strong and healthy, but was involved in a car accident. During his hospital stay, he was diagnosed with Leukemia and needed a bone marrow transplant right away. Thankfully, there were able to find not just one bone marrow match, but 3! How likely is that? Unfortunately, towards the latter stages of the process, he caught an infection and died.

My intensity picks up, as if I'm racing for a cure.
Wait a minute ... I am.

Our First Grandparent's Day

Yes, it's true ... we are grandparents! Exodus ~ just about 9 months old. One day we'll ride bikes together :-)

Back To The Grind

Yes, I'm back in work mode! I started a part-time job last week, which is good as it has helped me get back in the swing of things physically and mentally. It's also FORCED me to keep my cycling within my prescribed limits, a couple 20-30 minute rides a week for now.

Dusty (my new bike) needs a little attitude adjustment. I'm having difficulty shifting the front gears, particulary going from the granny to the middle gear. I'm hoping it's because she's still fairly new and not because I've totally lost all biking form in the accident! I'll bring her to the shop for a once over in a week or so and will let you know the prognosis ;-)

NEW GOAL : TAHOE, JUNE 2008

CLEARED TO RIDE !!!

To my donors, family, and friends ~ It’s been 8 weeks since my accident and I just wanted to update you and thank you for your support, both through your finances and your friendship. I am recovering very well.

You’ll be glad to know that TNT has allowed me to transfer the funds you donated to another event once I’m ready to roll!

I was hoping for Arizona in November, but that team is already a few rides into training. And although I finally have clearance to ride, I have to remind myself I’m still recovering. This was quite evident when I over did it by riding 8 miles my first time out. There’s no way I’d be ready for an endurance event by November.

I’ve been instructed to take it slow so that I can heal well. Short, indoor rides on the trainer for me until my jaw fully stabilizes and I build up my endurance. Official training with TNT for America’s Most Beautiful Ride in Tahoe starts in February 2008.

This 100-mile century starts with an out and back on Highway 89 / bike trail to visit historic Truckee, CA. America’s Most Beautiful Ride then circumnavigates the highways clockwise around Lake Tahoe, in both Nevada and California. It includes a challenging 800-foot climb to a rest stop overlooking Emerald Bay and a 1,000-foot climb to Spooner Junction. There are also many short rolling ascents and descents totalling over 2,600 vertical feet of elevation gain! The altitude ranges between 6,300 feet and 7,100 feet above sea level.

Thanks again for being a part of this journey of mine.

Bit Off More Than I Could Chew

Just over 7 weeks since the accident ~ I guess with the new teeth and all, I got a little optimistic and thought I'd go for the Porterhouse Steak instead of the ground beef! I realize I probably bit off more than I could chew yesterday, attempting to do 16.5 miles the first time back in the saddle. 8 miles really isn't that bad. Was I disappointed? Ya, at first I was. But this has been my encouragement ...

Philippians 4:11-13

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

... and for me, I'm learning that "everything" may sometimes mean doing "nothing", or "not quite so much" ...

This has definitely been a growing season for me.

Hi! This is Dusty ...

She's an '07 Cannondale Synapse Feminine 3. "Why did I name her Dusty," you ask? Since I hadn't been cleared to ride, she's been parked in my family room for the past week during which all I could do was DUST her! Hmmm ... perhaps I should have named her DUSTER ;-) Oh the torture.

I did get an unofficial clearance to ride from my occupational therapist today. She said I've doubled the strength on my right wrist, so that's a good thing. She was able to isolate some tenderness in what she thinks might be the TFCC area, which may or may not give me trouble during a ride. So she said see how I do, and if it bothers me, to definitely stop .. which I will.

So did I ride today? You betcha ~ an hour after I got home! I attempted to do the Lake Herman Loop (16.5 miles) No wrist pain, but I could only make it to Marshview Road (4 miles) before the muscles by my jaw started throbing, so I turned around and headed home for a total of 8 short miles :-( I was bummed. I remember the feeling (muscle spasms) after the wires were removed. I guess it'll be light rides on the trainer for me for a little while. Hey, at least I CAN still ride, huh?!

Grin And Bear It

I got my teeth! A single unit that appears to be 4 teeth. Though they are "false" teeth, they won't have the tendency to accidentally fall out since I have braces. They have brackets on them, just like my other teeth, and are secured by the wire from my braces.

My dentist, orthodontist, and their staff were wonderful in coordinating my extraction, dental impression, and delivery of the appliance so that I could have teeth as quickly as possible.

I was excited to have them put in. They look great; you can't even tell they're fake. But I got disappointed when I saw that there's still alot of work to do on the jaw - my bite's all off. My back teeth touch, but my front teeth don't, so i'm using rubber bands to hopefully guide it up some.

It was a bummer when the orthodontist said by Christmas we'll know if I need another surgery by how much the rubber bands were able to do, as the bones should be fully healed by then.

Today, however, my chiropractor said she can aid some in the proper alignment of the right side of my jaw, which is still a little off. So, thankfully, all my health providers are working together well for my best interest.

So it's been kind of a rough couple days ... but I'm doing better.

Spent the afternoon with my brother picking up and playing with his brand new, all carbon road bike. That was fun!

Oh, remind me to introduce you to DUSTY ... (next post) ...

"We Will Rebuild You"

It's been 6 weeks since the accident.
Had a tooth pulled yesterday (total of 4 lost).
Will get dental impressions made at Orthodontist on Tuesday.
Will have prosthetic teeth on Thursday! Yay!
Had phone consult with surgeon this morning.

HE CLEARED ME TO RIDE!
Yay, again!

However, Occupational Therapist is giving my wrist a couple more weeks. Boo.
(It's okay, since I'm waiting for the bike I ordered to come in. Yay!)

My surgeon is so funny. After going over my treatment plan again, he says, "Don't worry - WE WILL REBUILD YOU."

What am I ~ the bionic woman?!

Frustrated With The Price Of Gas?

Chew ... Or I Should Say "Gum" ... On This

So I was a little discouraged a few posts ago. Since then I've had a physical therapy appointment for my jaw and an occupational therapy appointment for my wrist. Today I have an orthodontic appointment. Tomorrow I have a dental appointment. Thursday I have a phone consult with my surgeon. And Friday, I have another physical therapy appointment as well as an appointment with my chiropractor. Follow up with occupational therapist in a couple weeks. Whew. Thank God I've gotten my energy back!

I've really been chewing (or since my lack of teeth, I should say "gumming") on something a friend said to me the other day ...

At my PT appointment, I was instructed to start some jaw exercises to increase the left, right, and forward mobility in my jaw. I commented that I wish my surgeon would have told me this earlier, as I've only been working on opening and closing my mouth, and I could have been working on those other exercises as well.

He then said, "Do you think maybe he didn't tell you for a reason?" And this is the part I've been chewing on, "You seem to be the type of person who has a hard time pacing themselves."

I thought, "Wow, he hasn't known me long, but he does know me." Because that is me ... I don't like doing things half-heartedly. I'm either all in, or not in at all. And once I've set my mind on a goal, I usually have an action plan to attack. But I never thought about pacing myself. Perhaps that's what got me in trouble on the day of the accident. And I think that's what got me discouraged a few posts ago ~ thinking about how much time would pass before I'd be able to complete what I set out to complete.

Well, it's been almost a week since the "pacing" statement, and it's done my heart and mind good to think on it and how it applies to my physical recovery and to my life in general.

It's been better. I'm no longer pushing myself towards something without regard to how it'll affect me physically. (I may have to postpone Tucson and do Tahoe instead. We'll see.) I'm learning to be more patient with myself. And I'm not as frustrated with the snail's pace of my healing.

What keeps me going, and what keeps my complaining to a minimum (yes, I do still complain to Andrew every now and then) are all the people on my honoree list, and all the individuals they represent who are enduring cancer. I most recently became aware of a friend's mother who could only complete 13 of 15 chemotherapy treatments because the inside of her mouth got so badly burned. MY doctors' appointments have served as reminders to pray for her, and those like her, going to their own, more serious, doctors' appointments.

There's an old, over-used quote I remember, "Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it."

GO TEAM !!

I went to Marin to support the team yesterday. It was so good to see everyone. It was a tough ride, I heard. These were the first ones to roll in from our group. (I forgot to take a picture of the whole team, sorry!) Coach Coop (head coach) at far left.




My friend Jun, who was riding with me when I crashed, wasn't sure whether he was going to participate. So glad he did. (He completed the Mt. Tam Century ~ a much harder route.)

"Your turn next," he said.




Dee Dee, my TNT mentor, and Kelly (pictured w/ me and Jun above) will be coaching for November's Tucson ride ... that's my goal.






The one who inspired me to ride, my friend Jean. She's training for her 2nd century ride! You go, girl!






Coach Coop said when I'm ready to get out there and join TNT again, the team will gather 'round me and protect me when I ride like the Discovery Team did for Lance! I can't wait for that day :-)

Congratulations, Team, for what you accomplished yesterday ... for yourselves and for those enduring cancer. See you on the road soon.

TTT
(Tina the Tougher, my TNT nickname)

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Dialog With Doctor Drums Up Deep, Disquieting Debate Within

I had my 2nd follow up with my surgeon yesterday, 4 weeks since the accident. Monday marks 4 weeks since my surgery.

The light-hearted and upbeat visit started with a firm, but warm handshake from my doctor. (Andrew and I agree he looks really familiar.) As he turned to wash his hands, the subtle bantering began ~ he commented, "You're face is looking more and more human."

Caught off guard by his humorous candor, the only response I could muster up was a laughing "THANKS ALOT! That's really encouraging!"

He checked a couple things here and there, but went on to tell me what to expect during my treatment plan. Here it is in a nutshell: swelling may take up to 2-3 months to subside; tightness in the jaw will loosen over time with exercise (continue with the goofy faces); I'll start physical therapy to help increase mobility of my jaw; my orthodontist will put prosthetic teeth in place until I'm able to get dental implants; this will start when my surgeon feels my jaw is strong enough; he'll do some bone grafting, which takes 3-4 months to heal; after which my dentist will complete the implants which takes another 3-4 months of healing; all the while, my orthodontist will aid in the proper alignment of my teeth.

Bottom line ~ He said he's estimating 2 years for full completion of my treatment plan, barring the need for another surgery if the bones don't heal correctly, which won't be known for about a year.

Andrew and I turned to each other and just said, "Wow."

We knew the road would be long ... we just didn't know how long ... or the intricacies and collaboration that would be involved. I have many visits to my doctor, surgeon, orthodontist, dentist, physical therapist, and chiropractor in store.

My immediate thought was, "Ok, that's ok. I'm grateful neurosurgeons or oncologists aren't included on that list."

So even though I asked a couple weeks ago, given the new information, I had to ask again, "So when can I ride?"

He said, "Ride what?" (Remember, he's kindof a smart aleck?!?)

I said, "My bike, when can I ride again?!"

He said, "You're ready to ride?"

I said, "I've been ready!"

His immediate response was, "Usually not for 3 months (after surgery)."

I turned to grab a tissue, because I started to tear up. (I don't know what I was thinking, hoping to get clearance yesterday.)

Realizing he was addressing a bike enthusiast and not just a casual rider, he slowed down and explained: it normally takes 6-8 weeks for the bones to heal. It's only been 4, so the bones are still soft. He wants me to get a couple physical therapy sessions in, another follow up in a couple weeks ... then he said he may consider releasing me after 6-8 weeks as opposed to 3 months, depending on how things are coming along.

Given his explanation - I guess I understand. He did say I can ride on a trainer in the house.

Andrew was relieved I think. But seeing I was discouraged, he took me to a couple bike shops after the appointment. Bless his heart.

Here's where the "disquieting debate" with myself began this morning ...

Two years is a long time, but what am I complaining about ... at least I'm not wondering whether I'll be alive in 2 years. I'm worried about my teeth, and eating, and kissing my husband, for goodness sake!

I'm already missing the Marin and Honolulu rides. What if I can't recover in time for the Tucson ride? What am I whining about ... even though I can't ride right now, at least I CAN still ride later!

Ok, so it's really not so bad, I tell myself trying to diminish the effects of the accident ... though the accident was pretty traumatic.

I'm mad at myself for being discouraged when things could be alot worse. And yet, I'm mad at myself for not being okay with having these emotion-filled moments, however brief they are. C'mon, even Jesus wept, I'm remided. It's okay.

If you pray for anything for me ~ pray for patience ... that I'll have patience in my recovery process and have patience with myself.

God is with me; I know I'll be fine. I just need to remember, "It's a better ride than it is a drive." (June 30th post.)

Thanks for letting me share.

Bittersweet Anticipation

Bittersweet - arousing pleasure tinged with sadness.

I'll be at the Marin Metric this Saturday, August 4th ~ but as a spectator and not as a participant. Tomorrow will mark one month since my accident.

I want to be there to support the team, to cheer them on, and to high-five them in congratulations when they roll into the finish line. For some, this is THE ride. For others, it's the half-way mark to the Honolulu Century (100 miles). They've trained hard, harder than they ever thought they could, and they've touched lives that they never thought they would, by raising money to help find a cure for blood cancers. BRAVO!

While I'm excited for them, I can't help but feel a sense of disappointment for not being able to ride with them. But I'll have my turn too, this I know. I have another follow up with my surgeon tomorrow.

"For the Love of Andrew"

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Andrew is a great picture of what love is ...

I was medicated, had my jaw wired shut, and I still continue to heal, but Andrew has been patient and kind as he blended my smoothies, prepared my soups, and continues to take great care of me.

Never did he envy others when he was nursing me, and never did he boast to others about the great job he was doing; Andrew is not proud.

He is never rude, nor is he self seeking, though I can be difficult to be around at times (and not just now as I'm healing).

Thank God, he's not easily angered and never reminds me of my wrongs.

Andrew does remind me of the TRUTH of God's word when I get discouraged. He does not delight in evil.

He always protects me, always trusts me, always gives me hope, and helps me to persevere.

I thank God for blessing me with a husband like you.

Chin Up

I'd be a hypocrite if I only blogged about my good days. So here I am admitting that yesterday was pretty tough. But I took multiple naps and kept my chin up ... literally ... hahahaha!

I woke up with a headache that just wouldn't go away, and my chin became increasingly achy as the day progressed. The stiffness seemed to spread beyond my chin to both sides of my jaw. I'm attributing it to the fact that I've been exercising it much more ... meaning I've been eating more :-) I also had an orthodontic appointment the day before. Though no work was done, I did have to open my mouth wider than I was used to so they could assess the damage. And then I visited with some friends for a bit afterwards, choppin' it up and laughing more than I was probably ready for. So I really felt it yesterday ... as did my husband and daughters. I was a real pill to be around.

Today is much better.

Speedy Recovery

Many of you have been praying for a speedy recovery for me. Thought I'd give you an update on the effects of your prayers! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I covet your continued prayers as there's still a long road ahead - particularly physical therapy for my jaw, as mobility is limited and bone grafting for dental implants since I lost 3 (possibly 4) front teeth ... I look like my 1st grade picture when I smile :-) More surgeries may be necessary IF (and only if) things don't heal correctly.

Though I'm on the road of recovery and getting better, please don't forget to pray for those who are on the road of cancer - enduring till a cure is found.

The day of the accident (Thursday, July 5th) at Queen of the Valley Emergency Room. Taken by ambulance to Oakland Kaiser where I stayed one night.





Monday, July 9th just before my outpatient surgery at Oakland Kaiser. They'll line up my jaw, plate my chin, and wire my jaw shut.






Saturday, July 14. Almost one week on a liquid diet here. One more week to go.







Saturday, July 21. Wires finally off! Diet limited to soft foods. But hey, at least I can eat! Lower lip and chin still numb. Getting ready to go to the annual fundraiser for the volunteer fire department that helped me the day of the crash.

All Things Work Together

In an email I received from a friend, she wrote, "I can't wait to see how God's going to use this experience in your life!"

This statement caused me to pause ... not that my life is moving very fast these days ... but my heart and mind paused as I reflected on Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

What good could come out of such a horrific accident? Let me tell you ...

I truly experienced "God is with me" the moment of the accident, and every day as I'm getting stronger. And that I'm stronger than I realize.

I've been overwhelmed and humbled by the display of love from unexpected sources. While it is more blessed to give than to receive, I've been more open to receiving from others and have experienced how the display of love from others has blessed my heart so ... and how it's also blessed them ... to be able to minister to someone. Lord, never let me never hinder someone else's blessings.

I'm learning to live "one day at a time," and that recovery (both physical and emotional) is a process. Though I'm getting better, I have a long way to go. Though I'm not fullly healed, I'm amazed at how much better things already are! I'm learning not rush things and learning to be thankful for how things are ... today.

More to come, I'm sure ...

Finally Out and About

What a great way to celebrate the removal of my wires and the completion of my liquid diet - Attended the Annual Home Winemakers Classic at St. Supery Winery in Rutherford with some good friends this evening. The Classic’s sole purpose is to raise money to support the Dry Creek-Lokoya Volunteer Fire Department www.drycreek.org, the department that arrived when I crashed. I really wanted to go to this fundraiser to not only support the Department, but to personally meet and thank Ken who helped me and kept our bikes while I was in the ER.

To my surprise, not only was Ken there, but we also ran into Tony, the ER doctor who took care of me at Queen of the Valley! (Ken to the left, Tony on the right.)

I was thrilled to be able to meet and thank the both of these noble and humble men personally. (They said it's rare they ever get to see the people they work on after they send them off to the next place.) I was also excited to be able to finally get out and enjoy the beautiful weather with some good friends, laugh it up, and talk up a storm ... ok, maybe just short of a storm ;-)

Doctor's Orders

Had my post-surgery follow up with my surgeon this morning. Wires were removed and replaced with rubber bands to aid in the positioning of my bite. I was also instructed to not lift anything heavier than a grocery bag, to eat only soft foods (meaning anything not requiring a knife to cut), and to exaggerate my facial expressions which helps to strengthen the muscles and nerves that were traumatized. Lots of laughing and kissing was also prescribed (kissing limited to my husband of course)!

To my surprise, doctor's orders also include the practice of opening and closing my mouth as wide as I can while the rubber bands are on. At first, I was anxious about that (which the surgeons noticed), but they reassured me it would not cause any damage to the jaw bones which have not yet fused together. They said opening and closing my mouth is safe, whereas trying to bite down too hard on food or another traumatic blow is not.

So that's my workout regime for now: lifting grocery bags, making goofy faces, opening and closing my mouth, laughing alot, and kissing Andrew :-) Another follow up appointment in two weeks and no riding for at least another four.

I did lose 8 lbs (which makes me lighter on the bike). I just have to be careful that my soft-food diet isn't limited to tapioca pudding, soft-serve ice cream, and the like ;-)

Movies Watched So Far

(Tho' it's not a movie - The Tour de France every day)

Crimson Tide
Parent Trap
A Walk to Remember
The Devil Wears Prada (2X)
A Few Good Men
Finding Nemo
Flight Plan
Saving Private Ryan
The Constant Gardener
The Silence of the Lambs
SWAT
High School Musical
Men of Honor
Inside Man
Zodiac
Message In A Bottle

A Debt of Gratitude

I've been thinking alot about the day of the accident. A paramedic friend of mine mentioned how they were talking about it at the dinner table the other night ... how this could have happend, how it's good that didn't happen, how much worse things could have been, etc. Well, their young son interrupted them when he said, "Mom, God was right there with her!" I love that! Because it is so true ~ God and a few of his angels were right there with me on that day.

I owe a debt of gratitude to my friend, Jun, who maintained his composure while calling the ambulance, tracking down my husband, and waiting for hours in the ER with me and my family.

I owe a world of thanks to Sandy and Kelly, two cyclist who stopped and waited with us until the ambulance whisked me away. I do remember one of them (though I never saw her face) holding my head steady so as to not cause any possible further injuries.

I am so appreciative to Ken and the other volunteers from the Dry Creek-Lokoya Volunteer Fire Department. (Ken also held our bikes till Andrew and Jun were able to retrieve them later that afternoon.) I'm hoping to be able to express my thanks personally at their annual Winemaker's Classic Fundraiser, www.drycreek.org.

And of course to the many paramedics, nurses, and doctors who tended to me so caringly on that day ... a million thanks is not enough.

God bless you all for blessing me ... and others ... the way you do every single day.

My New Bike!

I got a great gift this afternoon! A new bike ... much lighter than even the expensive carbon ones out there on the Tour de France :-)


A few people have asked to see pictures of my old bike, so here it is. Sad, huh.


The fork completely broke off because of the drain in the ditch which I hit.

Post-Wire Menu

I've never been one to prepare meals based on a weekly menu. I know it makes for more efficent and cost-effective shopping, but how can you prepare pot roast or spaghetti for dinner when you feel like eating enchilladas or sushi?! Anyway, I am sooo missing my meals.

I have a friend, Lucas, for whom food is nothing more than a source of nutrients. Every meal is just a plate of numbers for him. For me ~ I love everything about food. I don't have a food addiction or anything. I just love the visual presentation and the aromas that fill the room of a beautifully plated dish. I love the way the textures and bold flavors make my taste buds dance. And I love the little dance the palate engages in going from appetizer to salad to entre to desert. This one course soup stuff just isn't cutting it for me, but I have at least one more week to go.

Here's what I'm looking forward to once these darn wires come off (not in any particular order) ...

Chicken Katsu and Rice from L & L Hawaiian BBQ
Shrimp Gamberi from Pasta Pomodoro
Carne Asada Fries from Baldos
Pasta e Fagioli Soup, Salad, and Breadsticks from Olive Garden
My mom's Kare Kare
Melting Albacore Sushi and Vegetable Tempura from Sushi King
Mongolian Beef from Happy Garden
Stuffed Eggplant from Jay's Garden

I'm sure I'll be adding more items to my menu as the week progresses :-p

My mouth is watering ...

Extreme Makeover

I took off the bandage from my chin today!

The doctor said to keep the dressing on for 5 days, and with the surgery done on Monday, today is the day! I was chatting about it online with my sister-in-law, Darlene, last night. I was so excited. I told her how I've been cleaning my face everyday trying to take off as much "gunk" as i can with out irritating the areas that are still raw. You know, road rash scabs, dried neosporin, etc. It doesn't look like there'll be very much scarring.

In trying to make light of the situation, she said, "Don't worry, you'll look like a FOX when it's all over!" "A 'fox' I thought ... what year did THAT word come from?!" She said when she saw me with the bandage on my chin after the surgery, I looked like one of those people on Extreme Makeover. You know ~ they look all swollen and black and blue after the procedure, but after the recovery process, they look like a million buck$? She said they fixed my chin, and with my liquid diet, I'll probably lose alot of weight. And then I commented, "Ya, and I get new teeth too!" We had a good laugh.

Extreme Makeover - I've caught glimpses of it on TV but would always change the channel, because I could never sit through the show without getting queasy. And that's exactly how I felt while taking off my bandages. I was all weak in the knees, breathing all uneasy, feeling slightly faint ... only to discover the incision site to be less than an inch!

I find it odd that I can be strong falling off my bike at 36 mph, hitting the ground first with my chin, I can be okay at home for 4 days waiting to have my broken jaw fixed, I can endure surgery, soups, and smoothies ... but be a total baby taking a bandage off my face!!

You'll never see me on one of those Extreme Makeover shows. I don't have the stomach for it. Besides, personally, FOXY is over rated.

(Two of my mentors ~ Ruth and the Proverbs 31 woman.)

Life is Not ...

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming - WOW - What a ride!!!" ~ Unknown

While I will not be able to ride in Marin or Honolulu, I do plan to resume my training with TNT for November’s 100-mile ride at El Tour de Tucson in Arizona (once I get clearance from my doctors of course).

What I’ve gone through is minimal compared to what those brave souls that I’m riding in honor of endure everyday, waiting for a cure.

Warm Regards ~ Tessa

Valle vs. Veeder

Veeder -1 Valle -0
Rematch in 4-6 weeks

Jun and I attacked Mt. Veeder on Thursday, July 5th.

The first part was tough but familiar, the Dry Creek timed trial route.

Turning onto Mt. Veeder, things got from tougher to greuling. It seemed like every turn in the road became steeper and steeper. I had to stop several times, but remember laughing at several things:
~ there was this fly that would just not leave me alone; i could have sworn he was taunting me!
~ speaking of swearing, it used to be a really bad habit of mine ... the toughness of this hill was bringing it out again ... I prayed hard to not let the words that were forming in my mind slip outta my mouth
~ ackwardly trying to clip back in on an incline, i had to learn to go back down the hill a bit and then turn around to go back up
~ oddly, I was feeling stronger after each climb

At the crest of Mt. Veeder, I remember Jun calling out, "I think this is it!" Being a ways behind him, I remember punching up my pedaling after hearing him say that. But I'd pushed too hard, passed him up, and started on the descent faster than I'd anticipated.

The rest is a blur as it happened so fast ... it was so steep, I was picking up speed, the turns seemed so sharp, I just did everything I could to stay on the road. I remember having a tough time with the brakes on the hoods - my hands were getting fatigued. So I went into my drops. Tho' the brakes were easier to apply, it was also more abrupt and I felt myself almost fly forward a couple times. But I remember NOT being in a panic.

Coming out of a sharp right, I couldn't veer left in time. The next thing I saw was a ditch that I knew I was going to hit ... and then nothing ... I don't remember the impact ... I just remember opening my eyes to a lady holding my head and my telling Jun I lost some teeth. I remember asking him in between moans if he'd called Andrew. And I remember agonizing over not being able to ride on Saturday or go to youth camp with the girls next week.

I was brought by ambulance to Queen of the Valley Hospital where they determined I broke my chin and the left and right side of my jaw. I was then admitted to Kaiser Oakland where they cleaned me up, pulled some pebbles out of my face, and kept me for the night. I go in for surgery on Monday where they'll repair my chin and jaw. My mouth will be wired shut for 2-4 weeks, the doctor says.

The display of love has been overwhelming - from family, friends, church family, and TNT family. Thank you all so much. I know I am well supported. At first, I didn't want anyone to see me, as my face is pretty banged up. But though things don't look so good on the outside, I'm feeling strong on the inside ... and that's what I want others to see ... to be reassured that I'm going to be okay.

Of course i think the occasional, "If only I had ... or I should have ..." But then I think how much worse things "could have ..." And so I'm reminded to have peace in what just is. And to be thankful that I can get back in the saddle again.

I Raced The Sun And Won

I had to get an easy ride in before what I know will be a tough one on Thursday, so I did my Lake Herman route this evening. It's still odd to me that I now call that 16.5 miles an easy ride, because I clearly recall the first time I did it. I WANTED to turn around at mile 7, certain I wouldn't be able to make it home if I went any further. But Jean wouldn't go for it ... and I did make it up the hill and back home ... I thanked her at the end for not letting me quit half way.

So tonight I went out at 7 pm determined to make it home before sunset.

Lots of headwinds, but I finished the short ride strong in 1 hr 17 mins ... AND WITHOUT MY GRANNY GEAR FOR THE FIRST TIME !!

Thanks for Deer Park and Howell Mountain, Jun. Whatcha got in store this week?!

"This is so much more stressful than biking!"

I golfed with Andrew and a friend Sunday afternoon. Thought it's the least I could do, since I've been pre-occupied with biking. I've also flaked on a couple of his golf dates, so I knew it was high time I got my swing on.

Golfing used to be mine and Andrew's "thing." There was a time when we'd get out there together on the course at least once a month. Up at the crack of dawn, loading up the car with all our gear, and riding the golf cart in the cool, crisp air, untouched dew still on the fairways. I love that he loves my getting out there with him.

What I don't love is how exasperating golf can be! (Now, I didn't say Andrew's exasperating, I said GOLF is.) Head down, light grip, knees bent, coil at the waist, pull back, nice easy swing, follow through ... oh my gosh ... I actually gave up golf for a year, because I was so frustrated with my lack of progress. I picked it up again vowing not to keep score.

I have a nice swing, I've been told, and I do hit an occasional "nice shot" every now and then. What gets me is that there isn't that noticeable and consistent improvement like there is with biking. I used to only be able to bike 2 miles. The week after that, I biked 4. Then after that I did 8. Now I'm up to 47.5 miles! There isn't that consistent sense of improving with golf; at least for me there isn't. And then there's those three other people standing there watching you swing and following your ball, whever it decides to go (usually in the rough).

What I try and remember is that for Andrew - it's not a matter of how well I do or don't do. It's just the two of us getting out there and doing something together that he enjoys.

As Andrew would say, "Hey - at least the ball's moving forward!"

It's A Much Better Ride ... Than It Is A Drive

Because I had an appointment this afternoon, I opted out of today's buddy ride, and Andrew and I had a rare, free Saturday morning to ourselves. Still surprised and elated over completing 47.5 miles in Yountville on Thursday, I convinced Andrew to a yummy brunch and a nice drive in ... you guessed it ... Yountville :-)

Casual patio dining at Pacific Blues Cafe. Lox and bagel for me. Breakfast burrito for Andrew. And wonderful conversation for the both of us.

God bless Andrew. I love my husband. While I know he enjoys a nice restaurant, I also know he doesn't like to drive. But I wanted to show him the route we took, share the funny stories along the way, and so he did it anyway ... for me :-) Yes, we drove the 47.5 miles. But you know what? As much as I enjoyed my outing with him, it is a much better ride than it is a drive. You're right Andrew ~ we didn't really have to drive it. I'm sorry I put you through it ;-)

First, I felt a little queasy winding up and down the hills. Second, I feared we'd run out of gas. And third, driving, we zoomed by and barely noticed things that I was able to gaze upon and admire while riding. So I've come to appreciate the slower pace ... in riding and in life.

Remembering to refuel, we bought gourmet pastries at Bouchon after the drive ... yummo ;-)

Whew! (Part 2) : "You're Killin' Me Man"

So I got worked yesterday. I'm not going to be able to do Saturday's buddy ride, so I asked a long-time cycling friend of mine (who is much younger and leaner than I) to take me out on one of his 50 miler routes.

Here are some thoughts and highlights I recall ...

~ 47.5 miles, 4 hours 10 minutes, average 11.4 mph
~ What am I getting myself into?
~ He rides differently from what I'm used to - spins more ... I'll give it a try.
~ Approaching our first hill he gives me good tips that help me get farther up than I would have before stopping.
~ We stop just before this steep, hair-pin turn. "Here's where it starts getting intense," he tells me. "You're killing me man," is all I could get out between gasps.
~ As I'm trying not to get frustrated about getting up the hill, my thoughts turn to praying for Ginger, one of my honorees, who'd emailed me the night before.
~ We stop again just around the bend. As I catch my breath I tell him, "You are sooo messed up!"
~ So there's one more incline before we hit Howell Mountain Road. I have to stop half way up. (We'd passed the bottom of Howell Mtn. on the flats earlier. He told me we'd be taking the back half up.)
~ We stop again at an intersection to go UP Howell Mtn. I ask if we can just go DOWN! He wouldn't go for it. So we keep climbing.
~ The descent is insane ... 35 mph down winding roads ... riding my brakes and gritting my teeth the entire time ... my forearms and hands are fatigued when we stop at the store at the bottom.
~ Though I'm not hungry, I have to force myself to eat ... something about stoking the energy fire :-)
~ Several miles of flats and rollers in the open sun. I hit 22 mph.
~ Stop at Lake Hennessey (where I should have eaten at least a power bar).
~ "Home stretch?" I ask him. "Home stretch," he says. YA RIGHT! It was a loooooong stretch.
~ I'm tired and I wanna rest. I try calling out, "I NEED TO STOP!" But he doesn't hear me, so I just keep pedaling. This happens on 3 different occassions!
~ Finally nearing Yountville my left toes have fallen asleep and my arms and hands are achy. (With my recent seat adjustment, I need to have them adjust my handlebars as well.)
~ We get back to the cars, and I can't believe I completed the ride!
~ 47.5 miles, 4 hours 10 minutes, average 11.4 mph

Do I dare ride with him again? You betcha! Thursday next week. Wanna ride along?!

Whew!

47.5 miles

Started in Yountville. Crossed over to Silverado Trail (flats). Up Deer Park Road (hill). Up Howell Mountain Road (hill). Through Chiles Pope Valley Road (down hill and flat). Ride by Lake Hennessey on our way back to Silverado Trail (rollers/flats) and back into Yountville.

Pretty wiped out.

To be continued ...

GET OVER IT !

I'm going out for a lengthy ride with a friend tomorrow. Gonna tackle some hills, because I was told the only way to improve your climbing is to get out and climb. So I've just gotta get over it!

Another thing I'm gonna have to get over ... "bike lust" as someone called it.


I went to Ray's Cycle to have them make some slight adjustments to my bike before my ride tomorrow. Of course I had to do the once around the shop. I've been in the market for a new saddle, but I just wanted to skirt the other side of the store briefly just to check out what kind of bikes they carry in their inventory. I saw some kids' bikes, some uni-cycles, some Treks, some $1500 - $2000 bikes ... and then there it was ... right in front of me ... black and white ... shiney and new ... as if there was a bright light or halo glowing around it ... and I thought I honestly heard a voice calling out to me ... "BUY ME ~ I'M ON SALE ~ BUY ME!" A Specialized Dolce with a carbon fork, carbon fiber legs and seat post. I found myself caressing the frame ever so gently till the sales man startled me by asking if I liked the extra brake levers on the flat part of the handlebars.

I felt a tinge of guilt since I was still holding my Fuji Finest in my left hand. How could I ever think to replace her ... Time to go home for a cold shower.

100 Miles

Thank you so much for your show of support so early in my training. Because fundraising is going so well, I've decided to change my Extreme Cycling Challenge to biking 100 miles at the Honolulu Century at the end of September! My biking more miles means more funds towards research for a cure.

Blessings to all of you for blessing others!

32 Miles in Sonoma Sans Jean

Up at 5:30 am for a 7:30 am roll time. Why so early? So I can eat a good breakfast, so I can check and double check to make sure I have all my gear, in case there's traffic, so we can gear up once we get there without rushing, and so we don't hold anybody else up. The key is to relax and enjoy the experience ... not stress out over things, right!?! And for me, that means allowing myself ample time to get ready to roll. Also, because I feel like a little kid getting ready to go to Disneyland on ride days.

I was a little nervous, however, Saturday morning, as this would be my first team ride without Jean, my personal cycling mentor, coach, and friend. Though I've done several solo rides, this was my first team ride without her. Our commutes to the meeting spot is always a confidence-building time for me - she tells me what I should expect from her past experience on that particular ride - things like terrain, weather, and traffic conditions on certain parts of the route. Riding behind her, I remember to drink when she drinks and to stretch when she stretches, stuff like that. It's just reassuring to me knowing she's there.

Well, I was reassured a bit earlier in the week when I received an email from her before she went out of town. Here's what she said, "Hot day; towards the end of the ride there is a lot of riding out in the open sun & concrete, so make sure that you're drinking often; on the climb - slow and steady, remember it's not a race up the hill; descent - very fast - I was cruising at about 32 mph! The best part of the ride! Make sure that you drink often."

I was met and encouraged by the wonderful coaches and mentors. Jean called me for a pep-talk just before we rolled. And either the terrain of this route was easier than Napa, or I had a really strong ride. Going up Sonoma Mountain Road was tough. I had to stop about 4 times to catch my breath, but as one of the coaches put it, "If everyone could climb to the top without stopping, there would be no need for a 3-4 month training program!"


Sonoma is beautiful. I was reminded to soak up the sights when i had to stop on the hill, which was a good distraction from my belabored breathing. I finished strong, which felt good.

What felt even better was hearing from several Honorees at the All Team Potluck after the ride. The Marathoners, Tri-athletes, and Cyclists (all the Summer TNT Teams) were there to support each other and to be reminded of why we are participating in our endurance events. Some Honorees are doing well, some are facing tough days of treatment, many are still waiting for a cure. A reminder that the money we're raising is not just so we can ride, but because we're saving lives one mile at a time.

What was especially meaningful was that Andrew and my girls came out to meet me for the All Team Potluck. While I know I have their support in this challenge of mine, it's important to me that my girls understand and see how one person can make difference ... to so many and in many different ways.