Bit Off More Than I Could Chew

Just over 7 weeks since the accident ~ I guess with the new teeth and all, I got a little optimistic and thought I'd go for the Porterhouse Steak instead of the ground beef! I realize I probably bit off more than I could chew yesterday, attempting to do 16.5 miles the first time back in the saddle. 8 miles really isn't that bad. Was I disappointed? Ya, at first I was. But this has been my encouragement ...

Philippians 4:11-13

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

... and for me, I'm learning that "everything" may sometimes mean doing "nothing", or "not quite so much" ...

This has definitely been a growing season for me.

Hi! This is Dusty ...

She's an '07 Cannondale Synapse Feminine 3. "Why did I name her Dusty," you ask? Since I hadn't been cleared to ride, she's been parked in my family room for the past week during which all I could do was DUST her! Hmmm ... perhaps I should have named her DUSTER ;-) Oh the torture.

I did get an unofficial clearance to ride from my occupational therapist today. She said I've doubled the strength on my right wrist, so that's a good thing. She was able to isolate some tenderness in what she thinks might be the TFCC area, which may or may not give me trouble during a ride. So she said see how I do, and if it bothers me, to definitely stop .. which I will.

So did I ride today? You betcha ~ an hour after I got home! I attempted to do the Lake Herman Loop (16.5 miles) No wrist pain, but I could only make it to Marshview Road (4 miles) before the muscles by my jaw started throbing, so I turned around and headed home for a total of 8 short miles :-( I was bummed. I remember the feeling (muscle spasms) after the wires were removed. I guess it'll be light rides on the trainer for me for a little while. Hey, at least I CAN still ride, huh?!

Grin And Bear It

I got my teeth! A single unit that appears to be 4 teeth. Though they are "false" teeth, they won't have the tendency to accidentally fall out since I have braces. They have brackets on them, just like my other teeth, and are secured by the wire from my braces.

My dentist, orthodontist, and their staff were wonderful in coordinating my extraction, dental impression, and delivery of the appliance so that I could have teeth as quickly as possible.

I was excited to have them put in. They look great; you can't even tell they're fake. But I got disappointed when I saw that there's still alot of work to do on the jaw - my bite's all off. My back teeth touch, but my front teeth don't, so i'm using rubber bands to hopefully guide it up some.

It was a bummer when the orthodontist said by Christmas we'll know if I need another surgery by how much the rubber bands were able to do, as the bones should be fully healed by then.

Today, however, my chiropractor said she can aid some in the proper alignment of the right side of my jaw, which is still a little off. So, thankfully, all my health providers are working together well for my best interest.

So it's been kind of a rough couple days ... but I'm doing better.

Spent the afternoon with my brother picking up and playing with his brand new, all carbon road bike. That was fun!

Oh, remind me to introduce you to DUSTY ... (next post) ...

"We Will Rebuild You"

It's been 6 weeks since the accident.
Had a tooth pulled yesterday (total of 4 lost).
Will get dental impressions made at Orthodontist on Tuesday.
Will have prosthetic teeth on Thursday! Yay!
Had phone consult with surgeon this morning.

HE CLEARED ME TO RIDE!
Yay, again!

However, Occupational Therapist is giving my wrist a couple more weeks. Boo.
(It's okay, since I'm waiting for the bike I ordered to come in. Yay!)

My surgeon is so funny. After going over my treatment plan again, he says, "Don't worry - WE WILL REBUILD YOU."

What am I ~ the bionic woman?!

Frustrated With The Price Of Gas?

Chew ... Or I Should Say "Gum" ... On This

So I was a little discouraged a few posts ago. Since then I've had a physical therapy appointment for my jaw and an occupational therapy appointment for my wrist. Today I have an orthodontic appointment. Tomorrow I have a dental appointment. Thursday I have a phone consult with my surgeon. And Friday, I have another physical therapy appointment as well as an appointment with my chiropractor. Follow up with occupational therapist in a couple weeks. Whew. Thank God I've gotten my energy back!

I've really been chewing (or since my lack of teeth, I should say "gumming") on something a friend said to me the other day ...

At my PT appointment, I was instructed to start some jaw exercises to increase the left, right, and forward mobility in my jaw. I commented that I wish my surgeon would have told me this earlier, as I've only been working on opening and closing my mouth, and I could have been working on those other exercises as well.

He then said, "Do you think maybe he didn't tell you for a reason?" And this is the part I've been chewing on, "You seem to be the type of person who has a hard time pacing themselves."

I thought, "Wow, he hasn't known me long, but he does know me." Because that is me ... I don't like doing things half-heartedly. I'm either all in, or not in at all. And once I've set my mind on a goal, I usually have an action plan to attack. But I never thought about pacing myself. Perhaps that's what got me in trouble on the day of the accident. And I think that's what got me discouraged a few posts ago ~ thinking about how much time would pass before I'd be able to complete what I set out to complete.

Well, it's been almost a week since the "pacing" statement, and it's done my heart and mind good to think on it and how it applies to my physical recovery and to my life in general.

It's been better. I'm no longer pushing myself towards something without regard to how it'll affect me physically. (I may have to postpone Tucson and do Tahoe instead. We'll see.) I'm learning to be more patient with myself. And I'm not as frustrated with the snail's pace of my healing.

What keeps me going, and what keeps my complaining to a minimum (yes, I do still complain to Andrew every now and then) are all the people on my honoree list, and all the individuals they represent who are enduring cancer. I most recently became aware of a friend's mother who could only complete 13 of 15 chemotherapy treatments because the inside of her mouth got so badly burned. MY doctors' appointments have served as reminders to pray for her, and those like her, going to their own, more serious, doctors' appointments.

There's an old, over-used quote I remember, "Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it."

GO TEAM !!

I went to Marin to support the team yesterday. It was so good to see everyone. It was a tough ride, I heard. These were the first ones to roll in from our group. (I forgot to take a picture of the whole team, sorry!) Coach Coop (head coach) at far left.




My friend Jun, who was riding with me when I crashed, wasn't sure whether he was going to participate. So glad he did. (He completed the Mt. Tam Century ~ a much harder route.)

"Your turn next," he said.




Dee Dee, my TNT mentor, and Kelly (pictured w/ me and Jun above) will be coaching for November's Tucson ride ... that's my goal.






The one who inspired me to ride, my friend Jean. She's training for her 2nd century ride! You go, girl!






Coach Coop said when I'm ready to get out there and join TNT again, the team will gather 'round me and protect me when I ride like the Discovery Team did for Lance! I can't wait for that day :-)

Congratulations, Team, for what you accomplished yesterday ... for yourselves and for those enduring cancer. See you on the road soon.

TTT
(Tina the Tougher, my TNT nickname)

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Dialog With Doctor Drums Up Deep, Disquieting Debate Within

I had my 2nd follow up with my surgeon yesterday, 4 weeks since the accident. Monday marks 4 weeks since my surgery.

The light-hearted and upbeat visit started with a firm, but warm handshake from my doctor. (Andrew and I agree he looks really familiar.) As he turned to wash his hands, the subtle bantering began ~ he commented, "You're face is looking more and more human."

Caught off guard by his humorous candor, the only response I could muster up was a laughing "THANKS ALOT! That's really encouraging!"

He checked a couple things here and there, but went on to tell me what to expect during my treatment plan. Here it is in a nutshell: swelling may take up to 2-3 months to subside; tightness in the jaw will loosen over time with exercise (continue with the goofy faces); I'll start physical therapy to help increase mobility of my jaw; my orthodontist will put prosthetic teeth in place until I'm able to get dental implants; this will start when my surgeon feels my jaw is strong enough; he'll do some bone grafting, which takes 3-4 months to heal; after which my dentist will complete the implants which takes another 3-4 months of healing; all the while, my orthodontist will aid in the proper alignment of my teeth.

Bottom line ~ He said he's estimating 2 years for full completion of my treatment plan, barring the need for another surgery if the bones don't heal correctly, which won't be known for about a year.

Andrew and I turned to each other and just said, "Wow."

We knew the road would be long ... we just didn't know how long ... or the intricacies and collaboration that would be involved. I have many visits to my doctor, surgeon, orthodontist, dentist, physical therapist, and chiropractor in store.

My immediate thought was, "Ok, that's ok. I'm grateful neurosurgeons or oncologists aren't included on that list."

So even though I asked a couple weeks ago, given the new information, I had to ask again, "So when can I ride?"

He said, "Ride what?" (Remember, he's kindof a smart aleck?!?)

I said, "My bike, when can I ride again?!"

He said, "You're ready to ride?"

I said, "I've been ready!"

His immediate response was, "Usually not for 3 months (after surgery)."

I turned to grab a tissue, because I started to tear up. (I don't know what I was thinking, hoping to get clearance yesterday.)

Realizing he was addressing a bike enthusiast and not just a casual rider, he slowed down and explained: it normally takes 6-8 weeks for the bones to heal. It's only been 4, so the bones are still soft. He wants me to get a couple physical therapy sessions in, another follow up in a couple weeks ... then he said he may consider releasing me after 6-8 weeks as opposed to 3 months, depending on how things are coming along.

Given his explanation - I guess I understand. He did say I can ride on a trainer in the house.

Andrew was relieved I think. But seeing I was discouraged, he took me to a couple bike shops after the appointment. Bless his heart.

Here's where the "disquieting debate" with myself began this morning ...

Two years is a long time, but what am I complaining about ... at least I'm not wondering whether I'll be alive in 2 years. I'm worried about my teeth, and eating, and kissing my husband, for goodness sake!

I'm already missing the Marin and Honolulu rides. What if I can't recover in time for the Tucson ride? What am I whining about ... even though I can't ride right now, at least I CAN still ride later!

Ok, so it's really not so bad, I tell myself trying to diminish the effects of the accident ... though the accident was pretty traumatic.

I'm mad at myself for being discouraged when things could be alot worse. And yet, I'm mad at myself for not being okay with having these emotion-filled moments, however brief they are. C'mon, even Jesus wept, I'm remided. It's okay.

If you pray for anything for me ~ pray for patience ... that I'll have patience in my recovery process and have patience with myself.

God is with me; I know I'll be fine. I just need to remember, "It's a better ride than it is a drive." (June 30th post.)

Thanks for letting me share.

Bittersweet Anticipation

Bittersweet - arousing pleasure tinged with sadness.

I'll be at the Marin Metric this Saturday, August 4th ~ but as a spectator and not as a participant. Tomorrow will mark one month since my accident.

I want to be there to support the team, to cheer them on, and to high-five them in congratulations when they roll into the finish line. For some, this is THE ride. For others, it's the half-way mark to the Honolulu Century (100 miles). They've trained hard, harder than they ever thought they could, and they've touched lives that they never thought they would, by raising money to help find a cure for blood cancers. BRAVO!

While I'm excited for them, I can't help but feel a sense of disappointment for not being able to ride with them. But I'll have my turn too, this I know. I have another follow up with my surgeon tomorrow.