On Guard

Remember I quoted C.S. Lewis? "God sometimes seems to speak to us most intimately when he catches us, as it were, off our guard.” Well, I read that in fencing, the guard is a position of readiness assumed by a fencer with body and weapon to prepare for attack, defense and counteroffense. A fencer first assumes the guard from first position.

Now, I've never taken up fencing, but that is SO me. And it became all the more real to me when I received an early morning call from Hawaii on Sept. 30th. Though very much appreciated, the call woke me up before I was able to ... put on my guard ... and my response of tears really surprised me, though it shouldn't have. I was, after all, feeling disappointed, discouraged, and left behind ... though I rarely acknowledged it.

See, I was supposed to ride in the Honolulu Century on Sept. 30th, but it's been almost 2 months since it's come and gone. And it's taken me this long to blog about it. Though disappointing, missing The Marin Metric wasn't hard to get over, since I was able to see the team at the finish line. Missing Honolulu, on the other hand, stirred up emotions in me that caught me totally off guard. I'm better now, but in retrospect I really was okay back then too.

I feel like I always need to be strong, and I realize I am not. But instead of being disappointed in myself, I'm realizing those moments remind me of how much I am in need of my Savior, Jesus Christ. What wonderful opportunities to experience fresh revelations of His presence in my life.