Friday, September 26, 2008

All I Want For Christmas


















It's been just over a year since my cycling accident, and while I don't want my life defined by it, I can't deny the impact the accident has had and continues to have on my life.

I guess you could say I'm in the restorative stages.  My jaw and chin are fully healed, and the only evidence of my facial trauma is a small keloid scar just to the left of my nose for which I'm having quarterly steroid shots.  Oh ... and then the fact that I keep my teeth in a little tray at night :-D  Other than some residual flu symptoms, I'm no longer having any accident-related issues, and I'm finally able to eat fried chicken, pizza, and hamburgers without a knife and fork :-D  I'm feeling back to my old self again.  Actually, a better, stronger self.  

I think that may be why I'm experiencing some apprehension with what's next for me.  Other than my dentures (there, I said it) I'm finally feeling back to normal.  

So what IS next for me? Bone grafting, tissue grafting, dental implants, then restorative teeth ... another year of medical/dental work and a huge dent in the pocketbook ... (a $30K dent), since the insurance companies consider the work to be cosmetic.  Ya, that's right.  

It makes me nervous on many levels.  First, I didn't think I needed the grafting, but it turns out I lost more bone and gum tissue than originally thought.  Normally, the bone would be taken from the jaw or the chin, but since I've had trauma in those areas, they'll take the bone from my hip.  So just when I'm feeling back to my old self, I'm gonna have to go through another surgery and more physical recovery. I have an appointment in a couple weeks with my Maxillofacial Surgeon to find out the specifics of the procedure and recovery time.  Maybe then, I'll be able to wrap my brain around it.

Second, I'm nervous about the cost.  I think I'm NOT in a panic about it because the amount is just so absurd that I, again, can't wrap my brain around it.  So as the holidays are rolling around, "all I want for Christmas is my 4 front teeth."

Thursday, September 18, 2008

"Magnificent Obsession"

One of the things that helped me complete my cycling endeavor is that I have the tendency to get a little obsessive and regimented when I attack a new project or new endeavor.  Even the word "attack" gives you a clue to my mental state that served me well while training.

After the completion of my events and my Team in Training experience, however, I've been trying very hard to not throw myself into "my next challenge," and even THAT is a challenge. LOL.

I have resolved to redirect that same focus and energy into things that ... not that I've neglected them ... just things that are ever the more deserving of my heart, my time, and my attention.

Here are the lyrics to Steven Curtis Chapman's "Magnificent Obsession," a song that resonates with me and my hearts cry ...
Lord, You know how much 
I want to know so much 
In the way of answers and explanations 
I have cried and prayed 
And still I seem to stay 
In the middle of life’s complications 
All this pursuing leaves me feeling
like I’m chasing down the wind 
But now it’s brought me back to You 
And I can see again

This is everything I want 
This is everything I need 
I want this to be my one consuming passion 
Everything my heart desires 
Lord, I want it all to be for You, Jesus 
Be my magnificent obsession

So capture my heart again 
Take me to depths I’ve never been 
Into the riches of Your grace and Your mercy 
Return me to the cross 
And let me be completely lost 
In the wonder of the love 
That You’ve shown me 
Cut through these chains that tie
me down to so many lesser things 
Let all my dreams fall to the ground 
Until this one remains

You are everything I want 
And You are everything I need 
Lord, You are all my heart desires 
You are everything to me

You are everything I want 
You are everything I need 
I want You to be my one consuming passion 
Everything my heart desires 
Lord, I want it all to be for You 
I want it all to be for You