Redirect

Having completed "Tessa's Extreme Cycling Challenge," I have decided to retire this blog.

You can now find me on TV Clips, which will be more general in nature ... though the occasional ranting and raving on riding will hopefully continue.

Oh, and I'd like to continue to challenge YOU ...

All the best,

Tessa 

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"We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give." Churchill

I Want ...

  Legs like these!  Ahh, to ride again...

Post-Op Email from Andrew

Good evening:

Wanted to update all of you ...
When I left Tessa this evening she was resting.
Praise God, she is comfortable with very little pain.
Her nurse was surprised she hasn't requested any painkillers, especially for this type of surgery.
Tessa told her its because of the prayers she's receiving.
She even wanted to come home with me tonight.
I told her, "No way, for the overnight fee they are charging, we're getting our monies worth and then some."

Thanks again for your continued support & prayers, keep them coming.
Thanks for the kind words via emails, text, and messages from the girls.

I'll be going back to the hospital early tomorrow morning.
Nurses expect the Dr. to be there about around 6:30 to check up & release her to come home.

Andrew

Withdrawals

So I'm not crazy! While I'm nowhere near the athlete that Selene is, her latest post entitled REHAB makes me feel so validated! She basically talks about going through withdrawal as she tries to give up cycling for a week.

But then in a later post, her trainer tells, "It's not the lack of riding that will keep you off form, it's the inability to back off when necessary."

What a timely message for me.

Dr. Jill

At the advice of one of my doctors, and in preparation for my upcoming surgery, I've met with an LCSW / Behavioral Therapist for a few sessions.

We talk for a bit ... about the accident ... about what I've overcome ... and about things to come.

We discovered, acknowledged, and learned a few things:

...I minimized the trauma in my own mind in an effort to feel in control, and because I feel like I should just be grateful to have survived such a horrific accident.
...Though to me it seemed like the most logical thing to do, completing my cycling events is something not everyone would have been been able to attempt, and that alone has aided in my healing.
...The truth is - it was a traumatic event, the effects of which (with the loss of my teeth) I'm still having to deal with today.
...I have a resilient spirit and determination - traits that I don't celebrate enough.
...I have apprehension over the upcoming surgery. (Just when I'm feeling like I've made progress and am feeling back to normal, I'll undergo the knife and face more recovery time.)
...I have guilt over having put my riding buddy in such a stressful situation, post-crash, and want to make sure he's okay.
...I still dismiss how I'm really feeling for how I SHOULD BE feeling. For example, I SHOULD BE glad for this next phase, as it brings me closer to not having to wear these dentures. I SHOULDN'T be talking about my frustrations when they pale in comparison to my friends' bout with more life debilitating illnesses.

At first, it was a little awkward, as I really didn't know what to talk about, ask, or say. I just knew I was stuck. Talking with Jill (who asked lots of questions) helped to sort things out. She often gave me "homework" to help me work through or clarify things. Though I have been talking with lots of people who've been a huge support system for me in my recovery, Jill helped to fill some gaps in my progress, so that I can move forward with more clarity and more tools for what's to come.

010709

I haven't blogged in awhile ... mostly because I've been having trouble untangling some of my thoughts and feelings ... withdrawals from not riding ... apprehension about upcoming surgery ... concern regarding the cost of said surgery, among other things.

Here's what I've got coming up : Block Bone Graft from Right Hip to Anterior Upper Jaw. This is the notation on the consent forms I received at my pre-op appointment yesterday. This is what I found out ..

Nothing to eat 6 hours before surgery, which will take 2.5 to 3 hours.

A 3 inch x 2 inch block of bone from my hip will be cut into "struts" and placed in my upper jaw.

Liquid/blended diet for 1-2 weeks.

No dentures for 1-2 weeks to allow gum tissue to heal.

Limited walking for 2 weeks to allow hip bone to heal.

Limited physical activity for 6-8 weeks.

3-6 months before bones heal to normal strength.

Laundry Time

(Picture taken before SVC Pumpkin Fest, 2008)

I'm not fond of chores. But I'd rather do the laundry than the bathroom. Sorting the clothes into appropriate piles is easy to handle. Actually, that's kind of how my mind works anyway. Dark colors, light colors, whites, permanent press, delicates, towels - everything gets "classified," and we handle each pile of clothes differently. Length of cycle time varies, type or amount of detergent changes depending on the size of the load or type of fabric. To each, the process may be slightly different, but the desired result is the same - a clean set of clothes.

Alot of times, we don't want to do the laundry or don't have the time, so we let it just sit for awhile - longer than usual. Instead of dealing with the stench, we'll go out and buy or try something new. Eventually that gets soiled as well, and there it goes - on top of that pile that continues to grow ... more soiled clothes on top of the others as time goes by.

Isn't that how we handle life sometimes? We classify events and situations into categories and handle each one a little bit differently, according to the special needs surrounding that circumstance. There are times, however, we don't want to deal with a certain "pile" though, and it continues to sit there, more soiled events on top of the others.

What's in this pile of dirty laundry we sometimes neglect? Rejection from a loved one, bitterness about overbearing relationships, pain from the death of a child or the death of dream, a sanctimonious attitude toward a draining friend, hatred for an offensive brother, denial about our behaviors that feel out of control, anger about a spouse's extra marital affair, or maybe the fear from the thoughts of possibly having one? You add to the list ...

Left unattended - the piles of clothes just get bigger and bigger, and it takes longer and longer to sort through. Let's face it ... we've all got some proverbial laundry to do.  So why do we ignore it, bury it, and think it's best left unattended?  It only makes for a more difficult task in the long run. So before the "un-aired" pile of emotional laundry turns in to emotional baggage, we've got to block out some time ... some laundry time ... with the only One who can help us sort through all of our stuff and help us come clean.  

Cast your cares upon Him for he cares for you.  1 Peter 5:7

The Challenge of The Waterline

"The depth of a soul is not measured by what appears on the surface."  ~ Unknown

Some just don't wanna go there.

I dare you.

De Nile River

I have to confess. I used to think I was white.  

Even though I was born in the Philippines, we moved to the United States when I was just one.  My dad was in the Navy, and we lived primarily in the East Coast ~ Maryland, Connecticut, Washington DC, and Virginia.

I think I was one of three Filipinos in the entire school my freshman year of high school, and either there were even fewer of us in my junior high and elementary schools, or I just wasn't as aware of my being different back then.  

My parents never taught me the language, Tagalog, for fear I'd have trouble learning English.  And they never spoke the language outside of the home, except with relatives in their homes. 

Thankfully, I was never the brunt of discrimination or prejudice.  

When my dad retired from the Navy in 1983, we left the East Coast and moved to Vallejo where, as a 10th grader, I think I experienced culture shock.  With so many other Filipinos around me, and then them  speaking "the language" to each other in public, I was just appalled.

 So ... while I have since recovered, there began my denial.  And reading Pati's book, "The Oracles," once again reminded me to value of both the pains and joys of life.

In her book, she vivifies this clash of cultures that's not at all restricted to the Filipino's.  But more than just talking about the conflict, she helps us to embrace generational and cultural differences, also leading us to find value in both the joys and pains of our upbringing. 

I've read "The Oracles" and had the privilege of hearing her do a book reading at SF State last night.  I bought the book for one of my pastors who said (and I quote with permission), "This redneck honkey really enjoyed her book."  :-)

I hope you'll pick it up and read it too. 

You can listen to Pati read excerpts of her book by clicking here.

"Fireproof"

It's not just entertaining, it's life changing. Married or not, I hope you'll go see it. But go soon, because it won't be in the theaters long.

Quietus

Jesus posed this question to his disciples, "Who do you say I am?"

This week, I've been with a friend whose husband passed away at the age of 57. We sat together in the hospital room during his last days where I witnessed the tender moments of a wife saying farewell to her love of 33 years. I had to divert my attention at times, feeling as though I were eavesdropping on her most intimate thoughts. We went to the mortuary the following day where vital stats were transcribed onto forms and items were selected for her husband's interment. And just yesterday, I caught glimpses of his life and personality as our Pastor conversed with her in preparing for his memorial service.

What one word describes him best?
What were his hobbies and passions?
What were his pet peeves or quirks?
What was the funniest thing he ever said?
What were your last moments with him like?
How did he influence others to be a better person?
What did he teach you about God?
When you see his picture, what will you remember most?
Is there a particular scripture that was his favorite?
What do you want people to walk away with when the memorial service is over?

Needless to say, it's been a heavy week. But more than contemplating my own mortality, it's caused me to take a long, thoughtful look at my life and how I'm living it today. How would someone answer those questions of me? Who would they say I am?

In John 10:30, Jesus said, "I and the Father are one." And in John 14:9, he said, "Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father." As a follower of Christ, can I say the same thing? Is my life a reflection of Christ's? Does my life point to God the Father?

This is my ultimate life challenge.

Which Superhero Am I?

Turns out I'm Supergirl. Take the quiz and tell me which one you are!

You are Supergirl

Supergirl 76% Wonder Woman 71% Superman 70% Iron Man 65% Green Lantern 60% Spider-Man 55% Robin 53% Batman 45% Hulk 45% The Flash 40% Catwoman 30%

Lean, muscular and feminine. Honest and a defender of the innocent.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

All I Want For Christmas

It's been just over a year since my cycling accident, and while I don't want my life defined by it, I can't deny the impact the accident has had and continues to have on my life.

I guess you could say I'm in the restorative stages.  My jaw and chin are fully healed, and the only evidence of my facial trauma is a small keloid scar just to the left of my nose for which I'm having quarterly steroid shots.  Oh ... and then the fact that I keep my teeth in a little tray at night :-D  Other than some residual flu symptoms, I'm no longer having any accident-related issues, and I'm finally able to eat fried chicken, pizza, and hamburgers without a knife and fork :-D  I'm feeling back to my old self again.  Actually, a better, stronger self.  

I think that may be why I'm experiencing some apprehension with what's next for me.  Other than my dentures (there, I said it) I'm finally feeling back to normal.  

So what IS next for me? Bone grafting, tissue grafting, dental implants, then restorative teeth ... another year of medical/dental work and a huge dent in the pocketbook ... (a $30K dent), since the insurance companies consider the work to be cosmetic.  Ya, that's right.  

It makes me nervous on many levels.  First, I didn't think I needed the grafting, but it turns out I lost more bone and gum tissue than originally thought.  Normally, the bone would be taken from the jaw or the chin, but since I've had trauma in those areas, they'll take the bone from my hip.  So just when I'm feeling back to my old self, I'm gonna have to go through another surgery and more physical recovery. I have an appointment in a couple weeks with my Maxillofacial Surgeon to find out the specifics of the procedure and recovery time.  Maybe then, I'll be able to wrap my brain around it.

Second, I'm nervous about the cost.  I think I'm NOT in a panic about it because the amount is just so absurd that I, again, can't wrap my brain around it.  So as the holidays are rolling around, "all I want for Christmas is my 4 front teeth."

"Magnificent Obsession"

One of the things that helped me complete my cycling endeavor is that I have the tendency to get a little obsessive and regimented when I attack a new project or new endeavor.  Even the word "attack" gives you a clue to my mental state that served me well while training.

After the completion of my events and my Team in Training experience, however, I've been trying very hard to not throw myself into "my next challenge," and even THAT is a challenge. LOL.

I have resolved to redirect that same focus and energy into things that ... not that I've neglected them ... just things that are ever the more deserving of my heart, my time, and my attention.

Here are the lyrics to Steven Curtis Chapman's "Magnificent Obsession," a song that resonates with me and my hearts cry ...

Lord, You know how much 

I want to know so much 

In the way of answers and explanations 

I have cried and prayed 

And still I seem to stay 

In the middle of life’s complications 

All this pursuing leaves me feeling

like I’m chasing down the wind 

But now it’s brought me back to You 

And I can see again

This is everything I want 

This is everything I need 

I want this to be my one consuming passion 

Everything my heart desires 

Lord, I want it all to be for You, Jesus 

Be my magnificent obsession

So capture my heart again 

Take me to depths I’ve never been 

Into the riches of Your grace and Your mercy 

Return me to the cross 

And let me be completely lost 

In the wonder of the love 

That You’ve shown me 

Cut through these chains that tie

me down to so many lesser things 

Let all my dreams fall to the ground 

Until this one remains

You are everything I want 

And You are everything I need 

Lord, You are all my heart desires 

You are everything to me

You are everything I want 

You are everything I need 

I want You to be my one consuming passion 

Everything my heart desires 

Lord, I want it all to be for You 

I want it all to be for You

What A Season It's Been

Team In Training's 2008 Spring Cycling Season officially ended last month.  Thanks for sharing this incredible adventure with me! (Click on image to enlarge.)

I'll continue riding though, among other things ;-)  Stay tuned ...

"The Art of Living"

Roman Seguerre, Andrew's first cousin, has impacted my life in profound ways.  Not only is he my cousin-in-law, he is a friend, a cancer survivor, a Team In Training Honoree, and an endurance athlete.  He maintains a blog entitled The Art of Living,  which displays his craftiness in writing and his love for words and life.  You should check it out sometime. 

Roman, who's cancer story began on January 8, 2003, is celebrating his 5th year in remission from chronic myelogenous leukemia (CML). He was also recently featured in the August 1st edition of the Vallejo Times Herald for his Ironman training, which kind of makes him a local celebrity, right?!  Come to think of it, I'd better get his autograph now, so that I can say "I knew him when ..."

Though I'm not sure if he's always been the "Do What You Love" kind of person, I do know the cancer diagnosis that rocked his world 5 years ago definitely put a sense of urgency to that adage of his ... and that kind of spilled over into my life.

Cancer might rob you of that blissful ignorance that once led you to believe that tomorrow stretched forever. In exchange, you are granted the vision of seeing each day as precious, a gift to be used richly and wisely. - US National Cancer Institute

So thanks Roman ... for reminding me to seize the day. Because in reality, tomorrow's are promised to no one.

Valle vs. Veeder, Round 2

Well, I did it!  Round 2 goes to Valle.  One year later, I successfully climbed and descended Mt. Veeder.  

Today, I was accompanied by my brother, Rob (L), and my friend, Jun (R). (Jun was riding with me last year when I crashed.)  Here they are 8 miles into our ride, at a stop we made at the top of Dry Creek Road, just before turning onto Veeder. The total loop is 21 miles. It was hot today, not unlike July 5, 2007.

I tried, unsuccessfully, to conquer this hill one other time. (Read 'My Namesis').  But I felt confident about today.  In fact, I was excited all week anticipating today's milestone.

The route was definitely as tough as I remember ... though I didn't whine as much this time :-)  I now have several painstaking hills under my belt, so I knew that I would eventually make it to the top, making multiple 'catch-my-breath stops' along the way, of course.  Heck - I made the climb a year ago!  My challenge would be making it back down, especially because I've since lost my fear of descents.  

But upon reaching the crest, Jun sped up to get beside me, "This is it," he said.  And being more cautious this time, I motioned for him to go ride ahead of me.  My brother rode behind me.  

While I knew we'd play it safe today, I couldn't help thinking, "Is he really gonna make me ride my breaks all the way down?  I can go a little bit faster!"  But I understood.  The goal was to get me up and down the mountain unscathed, not to test the limits of my descending technique ... and so I contained myself. 

I glanced at the accident site as we quickly rode past it.  I thought of the events that occurred there a year ago.  I thought of all that God  has brought me through since then.  And I thought, "After today, I don't ever have to ride this route again!"

Mt. Veeder is behind me.

STP FINISHER, PART 2

Day 2 : 92 Miles

I slept well and was cautiously optimistic for the day at hand.  "Only 92 today.  That's less than yesterday," I kept telling myself.  "You're gonna do this."  It was 5:15 am.

We drove to the church where the team camped.  It was cold.  It was quite.  But people were already up and about, getting ready, breaking down their tents, and gearing up for the ride.  There were a few hard core groups who were already out on the course, but Michelle and I didn't roll out till 6:45 am.

Knowing I had a rough ending the day before, Michelle briefed me that we'd be eating every 10 miles, and that I should drink even more frequently with the unusually warm Seattle/Portland weather.  This should help to keep my energy up for the duration of the ride.  She also reminded me to stay mentally strong; not to let down until we were done.

Today's course would be mostly rollers, a terrain I much prefer over yesterday's flats (though there were a couple spots that definitely got the thighs burning).  Flats to me are boring.  With rollers, there's at least some variety in your exertion:  you work your way up a hill, build momentum in the descent, which carries you part of the way up the next incline.  It's lots of fun.

Michelle and I were making good time ~ quickly in and out of only the rest stops that were absolutely necessary.  I did have my gears checked at mile 51, but I think the problem was more my left pinky and ring finger which were becoming increasingly fatigued.  But we made it to the lunch stop (mile 63) just after noon.  Michelle's parents were there with a cooler full of much needed ice-cold water bottles. We drank some and we poured some on us.  It was hot and only getting hotter.

29 miles left.  

Michelle and I agreed that we both felt really good, and that we'd try to finish without stopping, unless we absolutely had to.  And so the count down began ... 28 - 27 - 26 - 25 - 24 ... but the temperature was definitely increasing.

Approaching mile 77, I saw a mini-stop.  I was pulling, so I told Michelle I was turning in for a bathroom break and some water.  Michelle stood in the concession line for our water, while I stood in line for the porto-potties.  I was hot, and I was mad that we had to stop again.  After taking care of my business, we stood in the shade and ate.  I downed my water bottle and forced myself to eat my smashed up PB&J .. not because I was hungry, but because I knew I'd needed to "stoke the energy fire."

I don't think Michelle knew what was going on with me.  She was quietly standing in the shade with me, doing her thing, just waiting for my cue that I was ready to roll.  She didn't know that the heat was getting to me.  She also didn't know that I was getting mad at the heat and refused to let it get me any further.  I bought 3 more cold water bottles:  I guzzled one bottle.  I put the other bottle in my back jersey pocket.  And I carried the last bottle, opened, in my sports bra.  (Sorry if that's too much info for you.)  

I knew I had enough food and power drink to keep me energized for the duration of the ride. What I wanted to do was to make sure I had enough water to cool me off so that we wouldn't have to stop again.  I was determined to finish strong.

So we got back in the saddle and took off.  15 - 14 - 13 - 12 ... and the count down was energizing me. Unlike yesterday when I was thinking, "I still have 10 miles to go.  I still have 9 miles to go,"  today I was thinking, "Only have 10 more, only 9 more, only 8 more."  And we rolled into the finish at 3:05 pm!

STP FINISHER

(L to R: Nader, Deb, Me, Kim, Chani, Michelle, Dave, Coach Coop)

DAY 1 : 112 MILES

The first 25 miles was like cycling on steroids ... ok, maybe that's a bad example since The Tour de France is going on right now. Let's just say it was fast, it was crowded, and the adrenaline was heightened because everyone was so close.  

Maybe this will give you some perspective:  My century ride in Tahoe had around 3,o00 cyclists; this ride - 9,500 cyclists.  It seemed like an endless stream of riders before and behind me.  I prayed I wouldn't have reason to stop early on, as to find a gap to get back in the bunch would have been difficult.

The first day was long ... really long.  Michelle (my ride support) and I started out with Nader, Deb, and the SF team, but we quickly got separated from them with the frenzied pace.  Michelle and I stayed close, helping each other maneuver through many tight situations.  But I felt strong all morning and was even enjoying the terrain.

At mile 53, I rolled into the lunch stop where Andrew and the girls were waiting to greet me. We refueled, I was interviewed for the Tacoma newspaper, and then we headed off for the last 59 miles.  "We're just about half way done with this thing,"  I confidently said to myself.

Then, just 6 miles down the road, I start bouncing.  I thought, "Maybe I need to be in a higher gear." So I shifted accordingly but still felt like something wasn't right.  Then I remembered Jun talking about "bouncing" when his tire pressure was low one time.  So while riding, I asked Michelle to check out my back tire, and sure enough ... I had a flat.

We pulled over, got the wheel off, the tire separated, and the inner tube out in no time. Someone asked if we were alright as they quickly passed.  "Ya!" We replied, determined to fix the flat in a hurry.  (They didn't look like they had any intention of helping us anyway.)  

We got the new inner tube in but had some trouble getting the tire and wheel to cooperate. We'd turned down two offers for help at this point but decided to stop the next person who asked if we're okay.  We got some help from a group of 3 guys who "needed an excuse to stop," and we were back on the course 20 minutes later.

Having to stop so long to fix my flat threw my rhythm off.  Feeling like I had to make up for lost time, I picked up my pace but didn't eat and/or drink as often as I should have which made for a tougher 2nd half ... which was hotter than the first.  We made a couple much needed stops to meet Michelle's old co-worker and parents.  And then finally made it to Centralia (mile 100) at 3:46 pm.

Because it was the finish line for many of the 2-day STP riders, it was a big party atmosphere in Centralia.  Music playing, someone on a megaphone welcoming everyone to mile 100, food and beer booths abound, bikes all parked on the sides, people lying in the grass or standing in line to get their baggage ... oh, and we can't forget the free creamcicles. 

Mile 100 and we were excited!  Though we would not be staying in Centralia, we were excited to have made it this far.  Just another 12 more miles to Chehalis where Team in Training would be camping and we'd be done!  12 miles, that's it!  With all the training we've been doing since February, 12 miles seemed like nothing ... until we left Centralia.

It would take me another hour and fifteen minutes to go the last 12 miles.   In fact I was so hot and so beat that at mile 110.5, on the verge of tears, I told Michelle I had to pull over.  She asked if I wanted her to call for someone to pick me up, and I said, "With just 1.5 miles to go, there is no way I'm not finishing this thing!  Just give me a moment."  So I took more than a few moments to collect myself, got back on the saddle, and finally made it to the finish where Andrew, Coach Coop, and Lisa welcomed me home.

I was exhausted.  I was tearing up (not happy tears.)  But I finished.  I also decided not to camp with the rest of the team as I had originally planned.  Knowing I had another 92 miles the next day, I needed a real bed, a real pillow, a real shower, and a real good night's rest.

Tacoma News

I'm home ... I completed the Seattle to Portland Bicycle Classic and have much to write about!   In the meantime, check out this article from Tacoma's paper, The News Tribune: 90-Plus-Degree Heat Tested Bicyclists on 204-mile Ride.

(Me being interviewed by Craig Hill.)