WOW - What A Ride!

Redirect

2009-03-08T14:42:00.000-07:00

Having completed "Tessa's Extreme Cycling Challenge," I have decided to retire this blog.

You can now find me on TV Clips, which will be more general in nature ... though the occasional ranting and raving on riding will hopefully continue.

Oh, and I'd like to continue to challenge YOU ...

All the best,

Tessa

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"We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give." Churchill

I Want ...

2009-01-21T14:20:00.000-08:00

Legs like these! Ahh, to ride again...

Post-Op Email from Andrew

2009-01-07T23:35:00.000-08:00

Good evening:

Wanted to update all of you ...
When I left Tessa this evening she was resting.
Praise God, she is comfortable with very little pain.
Her nurse was surprised she hasn't requested any painkillers, especially for this type of surgery.
Tessa told her its because of the prayers she's receiving.
She even wanted to come home with me tonight.
I told her, "No way, for the overnight fee they are charging, we're getting our monies worth and then some."

Thanks again for your continued support & prayers, keep them coming.
Thanks for the kind words via emails, text, and messages from the girls.

I'll be going back to the hospital early tomorrow morning.
Nurses expect the Dr. to be there about around 6:30 to check up & release her to come home.

Andrew

Withdrawals

2008-12-09T16:28:00.000-08:00

So I'm not crazy! While I'm nowhere near the athlete that Selene is, her latest post entitled REHAB makes me feel so validated! She basically talks about going through withdrawal as she tries to give up cycling for a week.

But then in a later post, her trainer tells, "It's not the lack of riding that will keep you off form, it's the inability to back off when necessary."

What a timely message for me.

Dr. Jill

2008-12-01T17:34:00.000-08:00

At the advice of one of my doctors, and in preparation for my upcoming surgery, I've met with an LCSW / Behavioral Therapist for a few sessions.

We talk for a bit ... about the accident ... about what I've overcome ... and about things to come.

We discovered, acknowledged, and learned a few things:

...I minimized the trauma in my own mind in an effort to feel in control, and because I feel like I should just be grateful to have survived such a horrific accident.
...Though to me it seemed like the most logical thing to do, completing my cycling events is something not everyone would have been been able to attempt, and that alone has aided in my healing.
...The truth is - it was a traumatic event, the effects of which (with the loss of my teeth) I'm still having to deal with today.
...I have a resilient spirit and determination - traits that I don't celebrate enough.
...I have apprehension over the upcoming surgery. (Just when I'm feeling like I've made progress and am feeling back to normal, I'll undergo the knife and face more recovery time.)
...I have guilt over having put my riding buddy in such a stressful situation, post-crash, and want to make sure he's okay.
...I still dismiss how I'm really feeling for how I SHOULD BE feeling. For example, I SHOULD BE glad for this next phase, as it brings me closer to not having to wear these dentures. I SHOULDN'T be talking about my frustrations when they pale in comparison to my friends' bout with more life debilitating illnesses.

At first, it was a little awkward, as I really didn't know what to talk about, ask, or say. I just knew I was stuck. Talking with Jill (who asked lots of questions) helped to sort things out. She often gave me "homework" to help me work through or clarify things. Though I have been talking with lots of people who've been a huge support system for me in my recovery, Jill helped to fill some gaps in my progress, so that I can move forward with more clarity and more tools for what's to come.

010709

2008-11-30T22:00:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in awhile ... mostly because I've been having trouble untangling some of my thoughts and feelings ... withdrawals from not riding ... apprehension about upcoming surgery ... concern regarding the cost of said surgery, among other things.

Here's what I've got coming up : Block Bone Graft from Right Hip to Anterior Upper Jaw. This is the notation on the consent forms I received at my pre-op appointment yesterday. This is what I found out ..

Nothing to eat 6 hours before surgery, which will take 2.5 to 3 hours.

A 3 inch x 2 inch block of bone from my hip will be cut into "struts" and placed in my upper jaw.

Liquid/blended diet for 1-2 weeks.

No dentures for 1-2 weeks to allow gum tissue to heal.

Limited walking for 2 weeks to allow hip bone to heal.

Limited physical activity for 6-8 weeks.

3-6 months before bones heal to normal strength.

Laundry Time

2008-10-31T22:04:00.000-07:00

(Picture taken before SVC Pumpkin Fest, 2008)

I'm not fond of chores. But I'd rather do the laundry than the bathroom. Sorting the clothes into appropriate piles is easy to handle. Actually, that's kind of how my mind works anyway. Dark colors, light colors, whites, permanent press, delicates, towels - everything gets "classified," and we handle each pile of clothes differently. Length of cycle time varies, type or amount of detergent changes depending on the size of the load or type of fabric. To each, the process may be slightly different, but the desired result is the same - a clean set of clothes.

Alot of times, we don't want to do the laundry or don't have the time, so we let it just sit for awhile - longer than usual. Instead of dealing with the stench, we'll go out and buy or try something new. Eventually that gets soiled as well, and there it goes - on top of that pile that continues to grow ... more soiled clothes on top of the others as time goes by.

Isn't that how we handle life sometimes? We classify events and situations into categories and handle each one a little bit differently, according to the special needs surrounding that circumstance. There are times, however, we don't want to deal with a certain "pile" though, and it continues to sit there, more soiled events on top of the others.

What's in this pile of dirty laundry we sometimes neglect? Rejection from a loved one, bitterness about overbearing relationships, pain from the death of a child or the death of dream, a sanctimonious attitude toward a draining friend, hatred for an offensive brother, denial about our behaviors that feel out of control, anger about a spouse's extra marital affair, or maybe the fear from the thoughts of possibly having one? You add to the list ...

Left unattended - the piles of clothes just get bigger and bigger, and it takes longer and longer to sort through. Let's face it ... we've all got some proverbial laundry to do. So why do we ignore it, bury it, and think it's best left unattended? It only makes for a more difficult task in the long run. So before the "un-aired" pile of emotional laundry turns in to emotional baggage, we've got to block out some time ... some laundry time ... with the only One who can help us sort through all of our stuff and help us come clean.

Cast your cares upon Him for he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

The Challenge of The Waterline

2008-10-31T11:47:00.000-07:00

"The depth of a soul is not measured by what appears on the surface." ~ Unknown

Some just don't wanna go there.

I dare you.

De Nile River

2008-10-15T23:09:00.000-07:00

I have to confess. I used to think I was white.

Even though I was born in the Philippines, we moved to the United States when I was just one. My dad was in the Navy, and we lived primarily in the East Coast ~ Maryland, Connecticut, Washington DC, and Virginia.

I think I was one of three Filipinos in the entire school my freshman year of high school, and either there were even fewer of us in my junior high and elementary schools, or I just wasn't as aware of my being different back then.

My parents never taught me the language, Tagalog, for fear I'd have trouble learning English. And they never spoke the language outside of the home, except with relatives in their homes.

Thankfully, I was never the brunt of discrimination or prejudice.

When my dad retired from the Navy in 1983, we left the East Coast and moved to Vallejo where, as a 10th grader, I think I experienced culture shock. With so many other Filipinos around me, and then them speaking "the language" to each other in public, I was just appalled.

So ... while I have since recovered, there began my denial. And reading Pati's book, "The Oracles," once again reminded me to value of both the pains and joys of life.

In her book, she vivifies this clash of cultures that's not at all restricted to the Filipino's. But more than just talking about the conflict, she helps us to embrace generational and cultural differences, also leading us to find value in both the joys and pains of our upbringing.

I've read "The Oracles" and had the privilege of hearing her do a book reading at SF State last night. I bought the book for one of my pastors who said (and I quote with permission), "This redneck honkey really enjoyed her book." :-)

I hope you'll pick it up and read it too.

You can listen to Pati read excerpts of her book by clicking here.

"Fireproof"

2008-10-13T19:42:00.000-07:00

It's not just entertaining, it's life changing. Married or not, I hope you'll go see it. But go soon, because it won't be in the theaters long.

Quietus

2008-10-10T07:19:00.000-07:00

Jesus posed this question to his disciples, "Who do you say I am?"

This week, I've been with a friend whose husband passed away at the age of 57. We sat together in the hospital room during his last days where I witnessed the tender moments of a wife saying farewell to her love of 33 years. I had to divert my attention at times, feeling as though I were eavesdropping on her most intimate thoughts. We went to the mortuary the following day where vital stats were transcribed onto forms and items were selected for her husband's interment. And just yesterday, I caught glimpses of his life and personality as our Pastor conversed with her in preparing for his memorial service.

What one word describes him best?
What were his hobbies and passions?
What were his pet peeves or quirks?
What was the funniest thing he ever said?
What were your last moments with him like?
How did he influence others to be a better person?
What did he teach you about God?
When you see his picture, what will you remember most?
Is there a particular scripture that was his favorite?
What do you want people to walk away with when the memorial service is over?

Needless to say, it's been a heavy week. But more than contemplating my own mortality, it's caused me to take a long, thoughtful look at my life and how I'm living it today. How would someone answer those questions of me? Who would they say I am?

In John 10:30, Jesus said, "I and the Father are one." And in John 14:9, he said, "Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father." As a follower of Christ, can I say the same thing? Is my life a reflection of Christ's? Does my life point to God the Father?

This is my ultimate life challenge.

Which Superhero Am I?

2008-10-05T22:21:00.000-07:00

Turns out I'm Supergirl. Take the quiz and tell me which one you are!

You are Supergirl

Supergirl		76%
Wonder Woman		71%
Superman		70%
Iron Man		65%
Green Lantern		60%
Spider-Man		55%
Robin		53%
Batman		45%
Hulk		45%
The Flash		40%
Catwoman		30%

Lean, muscular and feminine.
Honest and a defender of the innocent.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

All I Want For Christmas

2008-09-26T08:38:00.000-07:00

It's been just over a year since my cycling accident, and while I don't want my life defined by it, I can't deny the impact the accident has had and continues to have on my life.

I guess you could say I'm in the restorative stages. My jaw and chin are fully healed, and the only evidence of my facial trauma is a small keloid scar just to the left of my nose for which I'm having quarterly steroid shots. Oh ... and then the fact that I keep my teeth in a little tray at night :-D Other than some residual flu symptoms, I'm no longer having any accident-related issues, and I'm finally able to eat fried chicken, pizza, and hamburgers without a knife and fork :-D I'm feeling back to my old self again. Actually, a better, stronger self.

I think that may be why I'm experiencing some apprehension with what's next for me. Other than my dentures (there, I said it) I'm finally feeling back to normal.

So what IS next for me? Bone grafting, tissue grafting, dental implants, then restorative teeth ... another year of medical/dental work and a huge dent in the pocketbook ... (a $30K dent), since the insurance companies consider the work to be cosmetic. Ya, that's right.

It makes me nervous on many levels. First, I didn't think I needed the grafting, but it turns out I lost more bone and gum tissue than originally thought. Normally, the bone would be taken from the jaw or the chin, but since I've had trauma in those areas, they'll take the bone from my hip. So just when I'm feeling back to my old self, I'm gonna have to go through another surgery and more physical recovery. I have an appointment in a couple weeks with my Maxillofacial Surgeon to find out the specifics of the procedure and recovery time. Maybe then, I'll be able to wrap my brain around it.

Second, I'm nervous about the cost. I think I'm NOT in a panic about it because the amount is just so absurd that I, again, can't wrap my brain around it. So as the holidays are rolling around, "all I want for Christmas is my 4 front teeth."

"Magnificent Obsession"

2008-09-18T22:29:00.000-07:00

One of the things that helped me complete my cycling endeavor is that I have the tendency to get a little obsessive and regimented when I attack a new project or new endeavor. Even the word "attack" gives you a clue to my mental state that served me well while training.

After the completion of my events and my Team in Training experience, however, I've been trying very hard to not throw myself into "my next challenge," and even THAT is a challenge. LOL.

I have resolved to redirect that same focus and energy into things that ... not that I've neglected them ... just things that are ever the more deserving of my heart, my time, and my attention.

Here are the lyrics to Steven Curtis Chapman's "Magnificent Obsession," a song that resonates with me and my hearts cry ...

Lord, You know how much
I want to know so much
In the way of answers and explanations
I have cried and prayed
And still I seem to stay
In the middle of life’s complications
All this pursuing leaves me feeling
like I’m chasing down the wind
But now it’s brought me back to You
And I can see again

This is everything I want
This is everything I need
I want this to be my one consuming passion
Everything my heart desires
Lord, I want it all to be for You, Jesus
Be my magnificent obsession

So capture my heart again
Take me to depths I’ve never been
Into the riches of Your grace and Your mercy
Return me to the cross
And let me be completely lost
In the wonder of the love
That You’ve shown me
Cut through these chains that tie
me down to so many lesser things
Let all my dreams fall to the ground
Until this one remains

You are everything I want
And You are everything I need
Lord, You are all my heart desires
You are everything to me

You are everything I want
You are everything I need
I want You to be my one consuming passion
Everything my heart desires
Lord, I want it all to be for You
I want it all to be for You

What A Season It's Been

2008-08-09T13:43:00.000-07:00

Team In Training's 2008 Spring Cycling Season officially ended last month. Thanks for sharing this incredible adventure with me! (Click on image to enlarge.)

I'll continue riding though, among other things ;-) Stay tuned ...

"The Art of Living"

2008-08-04T15:11:00.000-07:00

Roman Seguerre, Andrew's first cousin, has impacted my life in profound ways. Not only is he my cousin-in-law, he is a friend, a cancer survivor, a Team In Training Honoree, and an endurance athlete. He maintains a blog entitled The Art of Living, which displays his craftiness in writing and his love for words and life. You should check it out sometime.

Roman, who's cancer story began on January 8, 2003, is celebrating his 5th year in remission from chronic myelogenous leukemia (CML). He was also recently featured in the August 1st edition of the Vallejo Times Herald for his Ironman training, which kind of makes him a local celebrity, right?! Come to think of it, I'd better get his autograph now, so that I can say "I knew him when ..."

Though I'm not sure if he's always been the "Do What You Love" kind of person, I do know the cancer diagnosis that rocked his world 5 years ago definitely put a sense of urgency to that adage of his ... and that kind of spilled over into my life.

Cancer might rob you of that blissful ignorance that once led you to believe that tomorrow stretched forever. In exchange, you are granted the vision of seeing each day as precious, a gift to be used richly and wisely. - US National Cancer Institute

So thanks Roman ... for reminding me to seize the day. Because in reality, tomorrow's are promised to no one.

Valle vs. Veeder, Round 2

2008-07-26T19:53:00.001-07:00

Well, I did it! Round 2 goes to Valle. One year later, I successfully climbed and descended Mt. Veeder.

Today, I was accompanied by my brother, Rob (L), and my friend, Jun (R). (Jun was riding with me last year when I crashed.) Here they are 8 miles into our ride, at a stop we made at the top of Dry Creek Road, just before turning onto Veeder. The total loop is 21 miles. It was hot today, not unlike July 5, 2007.

I tried, unsuccessfully, to conquer this hill one other time. (Read 'My Namesis'). But I felt confident about today. In fact, I was excited all week anticipating today's milestone.

The route was definitely as tough as I remember ... though I didn't whine as much this time :-) I now have several painstaking hills under my belt, so I knew that I would eventually make it to the top, making multiple 'catch-my-breath stops' along the way, of course. Heck - I made the climb a year ago! My challenge would be making it back down, especially because I've since lost my fear of descents.

But upon reaching the crest, Jun sped up to get beside me, "This is it," he said. And being more cautious this time, I motioned for him to go ride ahead of me. My brother rode behind me.

While I knew we'd play it safe today, I couldn't help thinking, "Is he really gonna make me ride my breaks all the way down? I can go a little bit faster!" But I understood. The goal was to get me up and down the mountain unscathed, not to test the limits of my descending technique ... and so I contained myself.

I glanced at the accident site as we quickly rode past it. I thought of the events that occurred there a year ago. I thought of all that God has brought me through since then. And I thought, "After today, I don't ever have to ride this route again!"

Mt. Veeder is behind me.

STP FINISHER, PART 2

2008-07-21T20:22:00.000-07:00

Day 2 : 92 Miles

I slept well and was cautiously optimistic for the day at hand. "Only 92 today. That's less than yesterday," I kept telling myself. "You're gonna do this." It was 5:15 am.

We drove to the church where the team camped. It was cold. It was quite. But people were already up and about, getting ready, breaking down their tents, and gearing up for the ride. There were a few hard core groups who were already out on the course, but Michelle and I didn't roll out till 6:45 am.

Knowing I had a rough ending the day before, Michelle briefed me that we'd be eating every 10 miles, and that I should drink even more frequently with the unusually warm Seattle/Portland weather. This should help to keep my energy up for the duration of the ride. She also reminded me to stay mentally strong; not to let down until we were done.

Today's course would be mostly rollers, a terrain I much prefer over yesterday's flats (though there were a couple spots that definitely got the thighs burning). Flats to me are boring. With rollers, there's at least some variety in your exertion: you work your way up a hill, build momentum in the descent, which carries you part of the way up the next incline. It's lots of fun.

Michelle and I were making good time ~ quickly in and out of only the rest stops that were absolutely necessary. I did have my gears checked at mile 51, but I think the problem was more my left pinky and ring finger which were becoming increasingly fatigued. But we made it to the lunch stop (mile 63) just after noon. Michelle's parents were there with a cooler full of much needed ice-cold water bottles. We drank some and we poured some on us. It was hot and only getting hotter.

29 miles left.

Michelle and I agreed that we both felt really good, and that we'd try to finish without stopping, unless we absolutely had to. And so the count down began ... 28 - 27 - 26 - 25 - 24 ... but the temperature was definitely increasing.

Approaching mile 77, I saw a mini-stop. I was pulling, so I told Michelle I was turning in for a bathroom break and some water. Michelle stood in the concession line for our water, while I stood in line for the porto-potties. I was hot, and I was mad that we had to stop again. After taking care of my business, we stood in the shade and ate. I downed my water bottle and forced myself to eat my smashed up PB&J .. not because I was hungry, but because I knew I'd needed to "stoke the energy fire."

I don't think Michelle knew what was going on with me. She was quietly standing in the shade with me, doing her thing, just waiting for my cue that I was ready to roll. She didn't know that the heat was getting to me. She also didn't know that I was getting mad at the heat and refused to let it get me any further. I bought 3 more cold water bottles: I guzzled one bottle. I put the other bottle in my back jersey pocket. And I carried the last bottle, opened, in my sports bra. (Sorry if that's too much info for you.)

I knew I had enough food and power drink to keep me energized for the duration of the ride. What I wanted to do was to make sure I had enough water to cool me off so that we wouldn't have to stop again. I was determined to finish strong.

So we got back in the saddle and took off. 15 - 14 - 13 - 12 ... and the count down was energizing me. Unlike yesterday when I was thinking, "I still have 10 miles to go. I still have 9 miles to go," today I was thinking, "Only have 10 more, only 9 more, only 8 more." And we rolled into the finish at 3:05 pm!

STP FINISHER

2008-07-15T22:17:00.000-07:00

(L to R: Nader, Deb, Me, Kim, Chani, Michelle, Dave, Coach Coop)

DAY 1 : 112 MILES

The first 25 miles was like cycling on steroids ... ok, maybe that's a bad example since The Tour de France is going on right now. Let's just say it was fast, it was crowded, and the adrenaline was heightened because everyone was so close.

Maybe this will give you some perspective: My century ride in Tahoe had around 3,o00 cyclists; this ride - 9,500 cyclists. It seemed like an endless stream of riders before and behind me. I prayed I wouldn't have reason to stop early on, as to find a gap to get back in the bunch would have been difficult.

The first day was long ... really long. Michelle (my ride support) and I started out with Nader, Deb, and the SF team, but we quickly got separated from them with the frenzied pace. Michelle and I stayed close, helping each other maneuver through many tight situations. But I felt strong all morning and was even enjoying the terrain.

At mile 53, I rolled into the lunch stop where Andrew and the girls were waiting to greet me. We refueled, I was interviewed for the Tacoma newspaper, and then we headed off for the last 59 miles. "We're just about half way done with this thing," I confidently said to myself.

Then, just 6 miles down the road, I start bouncing. I thought, "Maybe I need to be in a higher gear." So I shifted accordingly but still felt like something wasn't right. Then I remembered Jun talking about "bouncing" when his tire pressure was low one time. So while riding, I asked Michelle to check out my back tire, and sure enough ... I had a flat.

We pulled over, got the wheel off, the tire separated, and the inner tube out in no time. Someone asked if we were alright as they quickly passed. "Ya!" We replied, determined to fix the flat in a hurry. (They didn't look like they had any intention of helping us anyway.)

We got the new inner tube in but had some trouble getting the tire and wheel to cooperate. We'd turned down two offers for help at this point but decided to stop the next person who asked if we're okay. We got some help from a group of 3 guys who "needed an excuse to stop," and we were back on the course 20 minutes later.

Having to stop so long to fix my flat threw my rhythm off. Feeling like I had to make up for lost time, I picked up my pace but didn't eat and/or drink as often as I should have which made for a tougher 2nd half ... which was hotter than the first. We made a couple much needed stops to meet Michelle's old co-worker and parents. And then finally made it to Centralia (mile 100) at 3:46 pm.

Because it was the finish line for many of the 2-day STP riders, it was a big party atmosphere in Centralia. Music playing, someone on a megaphone welcoming everyone to mile 100, food and beer booths abound, bikes all parked on the sides, people lying in the grass or standing in line to get their baggage ... oh, and we can't forget the free creamcicles.

Mile 100 and we were excited! Though we would not be staying in Centralia, we were excited to have made it this far. Just another 12 more miles to Chehalis where Team in Training would be camping and we'd be done! 12 miles, that's it! With all the training we've been doing since February, 12 miles seemed like nothing ... until we left Centralia.

It would take me another hour and fifteen minutes to go the last 12 miles. In fact I was so hot and so beat that at mile 110.5, on the verge of tears, I told Michelle I had to pull over. She asked if I wanted her to call for someone to pick me up, and I said, "With just 1.5 miles to go, there is no way I'm not finishing this thing! Just give me a moment." So I took more than a few moments to collect myself, got back on the saddle, and finally made it to the finish where Andrew, Coach Coop, and Lisa welcomed me home.

I was exhausted. I was tearing up (not happy tears.) But I finished. I also decided not to camp with the rest of the team as I had originally planned. Knowing I had another 92 miles the next day, I needed a real bed, a real pillow, a real shower, and a real good night's rest.

Tacoma News

2008-07-14T21:54:00.001-07:00

I'm home ... I completed the Seattle to Portland Bicycle Classic and have much to write about! In the meantime, check out this article from Tacoma's paper, The News Tribune: 90-Plus-Degree Heat Tested Bicyclists on 204-mile Ride.

(Me being interviewed by Craig Hill.)

MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU

2008-07-04T00:02:00.000-07:00

It's the day before the anniversary of my accident, and I've been thinking about what I would post for sometime. Until I read the following headline ... "May The Fourth Be With You."

You'd think that phrase is about the 4th of July. But I had to laugh when I read it, because for me, it sounds exactly how I would say that infamous Star Wars quote (when my teeth are sitting in a little tray, on my desk, next to my bed).

Say it with me now, "May the fourth be with you." Hahahaha ....

Seattle to Portland Bicycle Classic

2008-07-01T08:06:00.000-07:00

It's July 1st! We leave exactly a week from today for Seattle! My ride starts on July 12th, and along with some sightseeing, here's what I have to look forward to ...

My How Time Flies

2008-06-28T21:29:00.000-07:00

God has been so kind as to bring some old friends back into our lives:

This is Ferlin, Aileen, and Little Ferlin. (Big) Ferlin and I were good friends back in the CAL days of chemistry lectures, labs, and study groups. Ugh! Somewhere along the way, life happened, and we lost contact. We did run into each other briefly when a mutual friend of ours got married, but that was 6 years ago. Ya - that long.

Our lives intersected again a few months ago. Our calendars finally cooperated, and our families were able to get together last week. Hopefully it won't take another 6 years for us to get together again!

(Big) Ferlin was diagnosed with CML almost 5 years ago. Thanks to that miracle drug, Gleevec, he has been in remission and is doing very well. He and Aileen are taking care of Aileen's mother who is currently fighting her own battle with cancer. Please remember them in your prayers.

Tonight, we had dinner with Ester (2nd from the left) and her daughter, Angelica (2nd from the right). Es was one of my good "Ferry Friends" when I used to ride the ferry to my part-time job in SF. That was 8 years ago! How in the world did we let that much time go by? Never again, I hope. Never again.

Jelly, Angelica's nick name, was in a horrible car accident in 2006 and suffered TBI (traumatic brain injury). Though she was in a coma for 17 days, she has made, and continues to make, tremendous progress in her recovery. I'm so proud of you, Jelly!

I read somewhere that procrastination is the thief of time. I hope I'll do a better job at staying in touch with those who mean so much to me.

If Tiger Can ...

2008-06-22T21:19:00.000-07:00

doesn't mean I have to.

I was in Reno sitting in a casino for hours with Andrew and our uncle watching Tiger Woods and Rocco Mediate go head to head. Tiger eventually won the major championship in the 19th hole. It was an incredible match, the kind sports fans talk about for years. And I was there (well, in a casino) watching every drive, every pitch, and every putt ... ooo'ing and ahhhh'ing ... gasping with disappointment and cheering in celebration ... for both Tiger and Rocco!

We'd eventually learn that Tiger won the tournament playing with a broken left leg. (Picture courtesy of www.boston.com Charlie Riedel/Associated Press)

With the Valle Reunion, I hadn't ridden in 2 weeks. So I knew yesterday's 77-mile ride plus the scorching heat was going to be tough. We started at 8 am on Lucas Valley Road and climbed "The Rock." At our rest stop after the descent, someone whispered that we'd only gone 10 miles! The heat was already getting to us. And I was beginning to feel the twinge in my knee again. But it was after a climb at mile 31 where I had my epiphany. I gasped for air and grunted with the last few pedal strokes. At the top of the hill, I stopped to refuel and rehydrate, and after picking up my lung from the road, I got back on my bike and thought of Tiger. I thought, "If he can suffer through and play with a broken leg ................................................. DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE TO!"

So I got off my bike, hopped in the SAG (support and gear) vehicle, and helped at water stops for the rest of the day.

Reunited

2008-06-20T00:11:00.000-07:00

Reunited, and it feels so good

Reunited, 'cause we understood

There's one perfect fit

And, sugar, this one is it

We all are so excited

'Cause we're reunited

Hey, hey ...

This past week was Valle Family Reunion and what a week it was! Such a blast. It started Friday night with "da kine boofay" ... that's how you say buffet with a pigeon accent. We met aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends we've never met or haven't seen in years. The food was bountiful as were the hugs, stories, and laughter. Oh and let's not forget the karaoke. (Just can't escape the karaoke.)

Saturday morning was our group picture followed by free-time which many of us Fairfield Ohana used to "work" on final reunion details. The banquet Saturday night put it all in perspective for my youngest daughter who said, "Now I know why we're so crazy; it runs in the family!"

On display at the banquet was the Valle Family Tree ... 22 feet long! We found out Uncle Earnest and Auntie Wanda, who were the only ones able to come from their family, has the largest "branch" with 49 descendants. I can't even imagine what the party would have been like had all 49 of them come! "Eh, good fun, fo shu, brah!"

Plans are in the works for a 2nd Valle Reunion in Maui in 2010!

By Special Request

2008-06-04T20:47:00.000-07:00

Some pictures are the same, but there was a request for a slideshow. Enjoy!

GO TEAM!

2008-06-03T19:20:00.000-07:00

Coach Cooper and Coach Dave

My ride group: Donna, Michelle (Mentor), Me, and Jeanne

Team Picture

2008 America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride

2008-06-02T23:53:00.000-07:00

This has undoubtedly been one of THE most amazing experiences of my life. Not just the 100 miles we rode around Lake Tahoe on Sunday, but the whole Team In Training experience. I don't even know if I have the words to explain it right now, but here are some statistics, highlights, and pictures for you:

June 1, 2008

3,300 Cyclist

1,800 TNT Participants

$7.2 million raised for cancer research

Pasta Party the night before the big ride.

My Patient Heroes

And Honorees

Up at 4 am

Rolling at 6 am

(Note our GPS's : Wine glasses - Redwood Wine Country Chapter)

GO TEAM!

Mile 72 - "I'm so ready to finish this thing."

7-mile climb up to Spooner Junction

Rolling into the finish

Congrats! I did it!

I Am So Honored

2008-05-30T13:08:00.000-07:00

We're packing up the van and will be leaving shortly for Tahoe. The past couple days I was feeling like I was coming down with or fighting something. I REFUSE TO GET SICK! I will ride on Sunday. For all my honorees and even for those I don't know ... I will ride. With what cancer patients have to endure, I will not complain. I will ride. I will ride with honor. And I'll have fun, too :-)

(Thanks, Dar, for making my button.)

Providence

2008-05-25T22:55:00.000-07:00

Today was our "send-off ride." One last easy ride before Tahoe next week. 44 miles in Napa with a potluck meeting afterwards, during which we'd receive our preliminary ride packets.

Although I missed another day at church, for some reason I knew I had to be at this ride and not just because important information was going to be distributed. I thought it was about supporting the TEAM and the honorees who would be there, but it ended up being so much more. It was divine providence really ...

See the lady in the picture with me? No, she's not on the team, but she did come ride along side us briefly towards the end of our route. In fact, she called out my name! And I was all, "Do I know you?" She said, "You don't recognize me? Sandy. Sandy from your accident."

I let out a loud, "OH MY GOODNESS! SANDY!? The Sandy that helped save my life?!" And it was, indeed, her. I told her I needed to hug her and take a picture with her, so we pulled into the driveway of a nearby school.

We hugged, we shed a few (happy) tears, and shared a few memories from that fateful day. You see, Sandy and her friend were riding up the hill that I had just descended and crashed on. Sandy held my head steady until the fire department came. I also learned Sandy's friend went to one of the nearby homes to call the fire department as soon as they realized the friend I was riding with was unable to get a cell phone signal to contact anyone.

AMAZING. I was quite dumbfounded. I had exchanged a couple emails with her after the accident, but I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd ever get to meet her or thank her in person. What are the chances of that?!?

Apparently, she's friends with someone on the team, but in a different ride group than mine. She ran into him during our ride, and knowing I was on the team, she asked him to say HI to me. Well, there's about 50 people on our team, so he didn't know who I was. Someone else in his ride group said, "Oh, Tessa?! Her group came by here just 5 minutes ago." So she caught up to us, and the rest I already told you about.

Just before we parted, I told Sandy that I'd forever remember her and that she'd always have a special place in my heart. What a precious moment, what a wonderful gift.

See ... I knew I had to be at this ride!

On Again ... Off Again ... And On Again !!

2008-05-18T23:43:00.000-07:00

NO ... that's not a description of my love life!

It does, however, describe my participation in June's Tahoe Century Ride. YES ~ IT'S ON AGAIN! (Thanks to my brother, Rob and Craigslist.)

*(Just to recap: first I was riding Tahoe; then, I wasn't because I transfered my funds to the Seattle to Portland Ride with the intention of registering as an individual for Tahoe, but it was sold out. But on Friday, my bro. found someone who can no longer make it to Tahoe, and now the registration is mine!)

As I mentioned in my previous post, yesterday was Tahoe's benchmark ride ~ 75 miles from Petaluma to Jenner and back. We cycled through some of the most beautiful sites I've seen yet ~ Valley Ford, Occidental, Jenner, and by the many beaches of the Sonoma Coast along Hwy 1.

SPECTACULAR is all I can say! I most definitely want to do that ride again.

The weather was not the blundering heat we were expecting. In fact, along Hwy. 1, it was actually cold because of the fog, which we welcomed. (Below is a picture of a wave having just come into shore ... it's not so clear because the fog was so dense.) We realized that the fog was a gift to us, as we probably would have run into each other and crashed from being in awe of the sights, had it been a clear day.

On Friday, I received an email that a new friend of mine was diagnosed with MS. She's decided to train for Waves to Wine in hopes that she'll start "living again."

I was mindful of her while riding on Saturday and of her newfound perspective. I made it a point to take in the beauty of God's wondrous creation ~ the colors of flowers along the road, the sounds and views of waves crashing onto shore, the smell of the ocean and even the not so pleasant aromatics of cows, skunk, and roadkill.

As painful as my lungs and legs were at times, they served as reminders that I can breathe, I can move, I can ride. And many cannot ~ whether it's because of leukemia, multiple sclerosis, arthritis, and numerous others too many to list. So while I can, I want do my part to help those who can't. So can you ... will you?

GRILL

2008-05-14T16:25:00.000-07:00

Check out my new chops!

These aren't even the permanent ones yet!

I was so pleasantly surprised at how the retainer came out and so overwhelmed with how the entire staff at Dr. Buchanan's office took care of me over these past months that I admit ... I was moved to tears and hugs!

Rebob Sheebop

2008-05-12T21:43:00.000-07:00

This upcoming Saturday is the benchmark ride for Tahoe's America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride. We'll be doing 80 miles from Petaluma to Jenner, but I'll write about that next week. Today - I wanna fill you in on the short 40-mile buddy ride we had in Napa this past Saturday.

First of all, there were these strange emails going back and forth about BEWARE THE REBOBS. We were warned to not fall back on Patrick Road. And the last email was the best with pictures of bats and a vampire-like creature. I was all, "Who the heck are the Rebobs?Must be some really mean neighbors along Patrick Road. Maybe we need to be quiet, so we don't wake them?" More on the *REBOBS later.

Secondly, it's really odd that we now consider 40 miles to be "short." But lemme tell you, there was nothin' short about it. We started in Yountville and headed into Napa, a portion of the time trial route we did at the beginning of the season, to which they added "a respectable hill."

I did fairly well, until the mid-point of the ride which was a 4-mile climb up Patrick Road, the "respectable hill." They said the first 1/2 mile of the ride was the toughest, and boy did I know it ... my lungs and my legs also knew it. A few of us stopped in some shade a couple times and debated whether to turn around or give the hill another try after our lungs got back in our chests. At about mile 2.5, we'd had enough. We waited to see some of the team fly down the mountain before heading back. The descent was a screamer.

So my ride was cut short by about 4 miles (in the middle), but I made it home, safe, sound, and strong. But I most definitely did not hydrate enough.

*THE LEGEND OF THE REBOBS - Every town has their spooky legend. In Napa, all the locals know of the Rebobs that live up on Patrick Rd. near Browns Valley. The story is long, long ago, there was a weird scientist who mutated monkeys (or kangaroos) and humans for combat purposes. Apparently, they got loose, killed the scientist, and people who venture up Patrick Road ... a winding hill under big scary trees (where the Rebobs live) that opens up at the top to big fields where people have had all kinds of unexplainable things happen to them.

I'd like to thank the academy ...

2008-05-09T08:01:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited! On Wednesday, I'll be getting my braces off!

I was already wearing braces when I crashed back in July. The neat thing is, several doctors mentioned that had I NOT been wearing braces, I'd probably have lost more of my teeth.

I'll be wearing my new retainer, which will have 4 prosthetic teeth on them. After my cycling event in July, I'll begin the (dental) implant process, which will probably take 6-8 months to complete. And then that will mark the end of my post-accident treatment plan. The end is in sight, and I'll finish well thanks to my fabulous health care team!

Dr. Robert Wagner, Maxillofacial Surgeon

Dr. Joseph Buchanan, Orthodontist

Dr. Petra Kubler, Physical Therapist

Dr. Jennifer Manickam, Primary Care Physician

Dr. Jessica Melchior, Occupational Therapist

Dr. Larry Lim, General Dentist

Dr. Susan Salem, Chiropractor

Dr. Mark Price, Plastic Surgeon

Dr. Nestor Karas, Maxillofacial Surgeon

Dr. Curtis Barmby, Prosthodontist

Repose

2008-05-05T16:18:00.000-07:00

Women's retreat was wonderful!

The dishes they served, delectable.

The speaker was a spark plug.

And the messages, quite meaningful.

Sorry, feeling kinda Dr. Seussical ;-)

My massage, oh how mesmerizing.

The bungee swing, energizing!

Walks and talks with friends old and new.

Excited about what God's done and will do.

Give Yourself A Time Out

2008-04-28T21:56:00.000-07:00

I won't be making the 65-mile ride in Yountville this Saturday. Instead, I'm taking a brief break from training to attend my church's women's retreat at Silver Spur this weekend. The theme ~ Renew, Refresh, Rejuvenate ... based on Psalm 23:2-3a ... "He makes me to lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul."

Oh, how we all need to retreat sometimes. Even seemingly "good" activities can add to the noise in our lives. Sometimes we get so used to the noise that the stillness and quiet can be quite uncomfortable. But God says, "Be still ... be still and know that I am God."

You don't necessarily have to go away for the weekend, but make it a point to give yourself a time out ... regularly. We schedule appointments and workouts, coffee dates with friends to find out how they're doing. Why not block out some time for you ... to check on how you're doing. Be still for just a bit and remind yourself that He is God, and I am not ... which is a good thing :o)

68.5 And I'm Still Alive!

2008-04-20T16:48:00.001-07:00

Since I had been sick for 4 days, and since I hadn't ridden in 2 weeks, I knew there was a chance that I would not finish this Saturday's 70-mile training ride in Santa Rosa. I already had a few titles in mind, if that were the case:

~ I Get By With A Little Help From My (SAG) Friends

~DNF : Did Not Finish

So much for positive thinking, huh. No - I really wanted to be cautious of doing too much too soon. I told myself I wouldn't push myself if I felt crappy; and if I did, I'd just hop on the SAG (support and gear) truck, as many riders do.

We started on time, and I did struggle a bit to keep up. But I know it takes awhile to warm up and get into a rhythm. "Just get past the first 15 minutes," runs through my mind, and after awhile, I felt good. The climbs came early (at least the ones they brought to our attention), and we did well. You could really tell our climbing has improved since our first ride together.

This is a picture from our long climb towards Skaggs Springs Road above beautiful Lake Sonoma, the midpoint of our ride. You can see the road between the trees in the distance. We're about 3/4 of the way up at this point. The descent was a blast with a nice rest stop with real bathrooms at the bottom. I'll have to get you a picture what a TRUE porta-potty looks like ;-)

2008 Spring Season Update

2008-04-19T17:26:00.000-07:00

click on image to enlarge

Sick Dawg :-(

2008-04-12T12:51:00.000-07:00

Missin' a 50-mile buddy ride today, because I've been sick as a dog since Wednesday. Gotta get better for 70 in Santa Rosa next week.

Welcoming any home remedies for headache, stuffy nose, sneezing, coughing, sore throat, gagging, and overall fatigue.

I have not, however, lost my appetite for food or for cycling.

Dawg-on Happy!

2008-04-08T22:35:00.000-07:00

This is Dave, Coach Dave. He has officially named our ride group Dave's Mountain Dawgs, to which we all respond with a resounding WOOF! Since he's the only guy in our group, his response to our response is usually, "That's the sorriest bark I've ever heard!" But you have to understand Coach Dave. More sarcasm = more love. Inspirational and motivational speeches may be few, but his hilarity and entertainment factor cannot be denied. And as grumpy and miserable he may look out on the rides ... sorry Coach ;-) ... we are often recipients of the most tenderhearted post-ride emails from him.

We love our Coach Dave (and we're sure he loves us). And we really do miss him when he's not there, as was the case on our 50-mile Yountville ride this past Saturday. He was sick at home (mainlining chocolate milk he says), so we missed his singing, his picking on us, his mumbling under his breath, and his yelling "GAAAAAAP" so loud that you can hear it reverberate for miles.

Sustainable Pace

2008-03-31T16:09:00.000-07:00

On Marshall Wall, I got pretty far up there before having to stop. My mistake, however, was when and where I chose to stop which was pretty much wherever I was when I couldn't pedal any longer. I had pedaled and pulled till I just couldn't move another inch and felt quite proud of that.

When I finally caught my breath and was able to stand upright, I realized I'd stopped at a pretty steep portion of the road. "Hmmm ... Of all the places on this 11 mile stretch of road, I probably shouldn't have stopped here," I thought to myself. So since I knew I wasn't able to go farther, it would have been much more prudent of me to have stopped earlier. I would have been able to take on this portion of the rise much more aggressively had I decided to regroup, replenish, and recover earlier on, EVEN IF there were reserves (of diminishing proportions) in my tank.

My pastor often refers to doing life at a sustainable pace, and it made all the more sense to me while I was standing on the side of that hill. We need to embrace and enjoy the lulls in life and not feel like we need to fill it up with activity all the time. Even more so, we need to purposefully create margin in this ever-busy world of ours. We need to regularly regroup with God so that He can replenish our spirit and guide us in the recovery of our soul. That's the only way we'll be able to finish strong.

Mine is not a race, it is a ride ... and such is life. We will all get to the finish line someday - and honestly, who really wants to get there first? We just hope we finish well.

Was I finally able to make it all the way up that hill? Ya. Was it easy? Heck no! In fact - just when we thought we were near the summit, someone asked why they called it Marshall Wall. Well, what we faced after the bend in the road gave us our answer. Some moaned. Some cursed. I laughed. See, it's those stops along the way, the having to ride down the hill a bit to get back up it, and even having to walk a few paces to more level ground that make the ride so exhilarating.

I'm thankful for ...

2008-03-30T22:58:00.000-07:00

My brother Rob, Instant Messaging, and YouTube. (In the background playing Where's Waldo? is one of my sisters, Ana.)

Since my accident, my brother and I have been spending much more time together. During my recovery, he'd stop by and bring me smoothies and watch the Tour de France with me. He used to be an avid cyclist, so it's been cool to share this experience with him. We IM each other almost every day - usually my asking him cycling questions, and he sending me informative links. In fact, he's since sold his old clunker of a bike and bought a full carbon one, and we've done several rides together. He even helped SAG (support and gear) at our Novato ride this past Saturday! Thanks Rob. I love you!

Anyway, I was getting ready to do my Sunday afternoon recovery ride. While topping off my tires, I broke the pin in the valve of the inner tube and knew I'd have to skip the ride and would have my first experience changing a tire.

I immediately IM'd my brother, because although we had a quick clinic on fixing a flat at our very first TNT ride, it really isn't something you remember how to do until you've done it yourself. Of course, Rob sends me a YouTube link on "How to fix a flat," and coaches me via IM along the process. So after much trial and error (and grease on my hands and laptop), we got the job done. Thanks again Rob!

Pungent - Bovine - Road Kill

2008-03-29T22:59:00.000-07:00

TNT Stafford Lake Ride

BRUTAL!

So brutal that I can only think in blurbs at this time ...

Top 10 Most Notable Moments:

10. Lots of cows ... i mean LOTS of cows. You wanna take a deep breath, but then you don't.
9. 3 huge birds feasting on the carcass of a skunk. "Pfew, that's pungent," someone says. And I automatically think of a friend who'll randomly ask people how they smell their fingers.
8. The breathtaking views along Hwy 1 and Tomales Bay and ... my dead camera in my jersey pocket.
7. Dropping my chain in the last 5 miles of the ride.
6. 49.59 total miles
5. 3,529 feet of climbing
4. Wilson Hill - definitely more than just a hill
3. Marshall Wall - just as it's name implies
2. Coach Dave "lying on the side of the road like a beached whale 30-feet from the shore." (His words)
1. Coach Dave lying on the side the road like a beached whale 30-feet from the shore. My words - "ROAD KILL!"

How Much Ya Wanna Bet?

2008-03-26T21:07:00.000-07:00

I hadn't ridden since the Vacaville ride (almost 2 weeks ago); and since I've had the past couple days off, I knew I really should get out there and hit the pavement. I mean, hop on my bike ;-)

I almost did Sunday afternoon, after the Easter festivities, but I decided to hit the couch instead. So I woke up this morning ... not that I've been asleep since Sunday ... I got up this morning and debated with myself for 2 hours about riding. I finally left my house at 10:45 AM. Up Lopes, cross Lake Herman, and a right onto the incline of Rose Drive which I'd take all the way to Columbus Parkway and back.

The last time I did Rose Drive was prior to my accident. I had done it a couple times, but both times I clearly recall stopping several times either to catch my breath or because of the burn in my legs. This time however, from East 2nd towards Columbus at least, I did pretty good. I may have been going slow, but I didn't have to stop at all! I'd never ridden Rose in this direction, so I figured it just isn't as steep on this side.

At the bottom of Rose, I had to compose myself for the ride back up and home. I knew it was going to be tougher. I think I stopped too long, as I almost chickened out thinking maybe someone could pick me up. Instead, I quickly chomped on some sport beans, downed some gatorade, and started pedaling. It was definitely harder.

At one point, I thought to pull off to the side for a breather, but two guys got out of their truck. "I can't stop in front of them," I thought to myself. "Let me just pass them, and I'll stop in a little bit. I'll give them time to get into the house." And then it occurred to me .... It's kinda funny the things that run through my mind to keep me going ....

What if they're standing at the truck taking bets ~ "I betcha $20 bucks she doesn't make it up that hill!"

And that was enough motivation for me to keep pedaling ... all the way home :-)

Dare I?

2008-03-23T23:19:00.001-07:00

The day after the Vacaville ride, we received an email from Coop, our head coach. He told us we've completed more than half of Lake Tahoe in miles and getting close to half of the ascent. He told us we would continue to improve as the next couple months go by. He also suggested "instead of logging major mileage each day rather, work on using the time on the bike in a quality way by climbing hills." His email went on to name about 10 different hills in various areas ~ one of which was Mt. Veeder. Hmmm ... dare I try it again, I thought, or do I leave well enough alone?

Cooper ended his email by encouraging us to get out and ride today... "Your legs may not feel so good in the first 10-15 minutes but after about 20 they'll thank you for it!" So I did. And he was right. I almost turned around at our corner mini-mart (smile), but I told myself to just get past the first 15 minutes.

After awhile, I was flyin'. I only average about 12 mph, but after getting warmed up, I felt very little tension in my legs, and I felt like I was going faster than usual. I glanced down at my computer and it read 15 mph, then 17. "What the heck?" I thought to myself. Did I really improve that much because of yesterday's ride? I got to Lake Herman in 30 minutes! I've never checked my time at this turn-around spot, but I do know it normally takes me 1:20 for the round trip, so I know I've made good time.

BUT - as soon as I turned around to head back, I was greeted with the strongest head-wind I've ever had to ride through yet. "That explains it!" And I laughed at myself all the way home.

My time when I got home ... one hour and 20 minutes :-)

54

2008-03-23T20:25:00.000-07:00

I wasn't able to ride this busy Easter weekend. (Sigh ... ) But that's ok. We celebrated well with family and friends. I can tell you about last weekend's Vacaville ride, though.

This is my friend Carmen with her new road bike! She was my daughter's Daisy Troop leader when our girls were in kindergarten 7 years ago. I'm excited to be riding with her this season.
The maps we had were kinda wrong, so what should have been a 50 mile ride ended up being more like 54. The ascent was the same, though ~ 1790 feet. I kicked butt on Cantelow, the steep hill towards the end, but I did feel somewhat squirrelly on the descent. I was warned that it was steep with sharp turns, so my group (who knows about my crash) was very cautious. With Michelle and Jeanne in front of me and Coach Dave behind me, we took it really slow ... as slow as we could go, trying to gain as little speed as possible. This descent was very different from Lake Herman's 37 miles per hour the other week, which was a straight away. At the bottom of Cantelow, my arms were sore from the tension of applying the breaks all the way down. I can hardly believe there's only 5 miles left to go. I finish strong once again. I rolled into the parking lot and stopped by Coach Dee Dee (pictured with me below) with the biggest smile on my face. I felt so good, I could have kept on rolling :-)

Potato Chips, Acne, and Apricots

2008-03-13T16:04:00.000-07:00

Part of training is learning about nutrition and trying out different foods and sports drinks so that come event day, your stomach's not surprised by what enters. And so that you're not surprised by ... what comes out.

Since Saturday was a buddy ride, we had to be self sufficient. No SAG (support and gear), so I packed a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a power bar, 3 Aussie Bites, and sport jelly beans. Ya, I later realized I had way too much food for our (relatively) short ride. What I neglected to pack, however, was a salty snack. Proper hydration involves replacing both water and salt lost during exercise. Well, since I brought way too much food, I shared my PB&J with Chani, who shared her bag of potato chips with me. Thanks Chani, because I am a lover of all things potato! And my body needed it.

What I forgot though ... was that I get the same reaction every time I eat potato chips ~ one HUGE-MONGOUS pimple on the apple of my cheek! And sure enough, as consistent as usual, as if to remind me of my greasy indulgence the previous day - the acne attacked. Guess I have to find an alternative source of sodium.

Something else I discovered several weeks ago (but was too embarrassed to blog about) ~ our need for potassium. I always knew bananas were good for you if you suffered from leg cramps, but I didn't know it's because bananas are high in potassium. (That's not the embarrassing part.)

Back at the Dry Creek ride, which was almost 4 weeks ago, my left calf felt odd for some reason. I knew it wasn't a cramp, so I kind of stretched it out and just shook it off. It went away. Someone who thought I might be having a cramp mentioned that dried apricots are really high in potassium and great to keep in your jersey pocket in case you feel a cramp coming on.

Well, that tip stayed with me as I geared up for our next coached ride, the 39-mile Sonoma Ride. I emptied a package of dried apricots into a ziploc bag and slid it into my right jersey pocket. As we rode, we made periodic stops to regroup, rest, and replenish our energy. Each time we stopped I ate a few apricots ... just to make sure I didn't cramp up. What I didn't realize was that by the time our ride was over, I'd eaten more than half the bag. What I also didn't realize was that not only are apricots a good source of potassium, they're also a good source of fiber ;-)

When I got home, my stomach started feeling really weird ... and then the rest ... well, use your imagination. Let's just say - I'm glad I didn't test the apricots out on event day!

37 Feels Good Again, Part 2

2008-03-10T14:43:00.000-07:00

My legs felt heavy Saturday morning. I know i didn't sleep well the night before. A friend suggested that had a lot to do with it. I need to keep track of what I eat, when I rest, and how I feel as I train.

Anyway, Lopes turns into East 2nd Street. East 2nd has it's share of rollers. At one point, there was a sign: 6% grade. Six percent doesn't sound like a lot, but someone must have found it noteworthy enough if they posted a sign. I recalled all my hill-climbing tips: sit upright, quiet the upper body, relax the shoulders, slow down the breathing, nice and easy pedal strokes, muscles feeling tired - try pulling up on the pedals for a bit, just get to that sign, now to that tree, make it to the light post ... by the time I know it, I'm at the top without having to stop. "Oh, we've done steeper than that!" I thought to myself. But the reward is always great - a breezy descent.

I'm with the last group now, but who cares. I feel great. We turn right onto Military and ride through Benicia Park. I see the rest of the group just ahead and we stop for a quick breather. Guess who’s there, chatting it up with the team? Roman, in his IronMan garb, taking a quick break from his run! All of the TNT alumni know Roman. Greetings and hugs go around. I do hear a few whispers, "WOW, he looks great," and a "Who is that?" Then Dee Dee does the formal introduction, "This is Roman, and as you can tell, he's training for an IronMan with TNT." Then Merle chimes in, "Not only that, he's an honoree." (And spontaneous applause breaks forth.)

After the welcomed break, he watches us ride into the sunset .. I mean onto Columbus Parkway. I hear someone say, "He's the picture of health." I've heard Roman tell his story enough to know that he'd say, "It's because of a medication called Gleevec, which TNT helped raise money for." My CAL buddy who's also in remission said to me, "Thank you so much for doing TNT. If it weren't for the medication, I don't know where I'd be today." So in effect, we really are saving lives one mile at a time.

All that, a quick bathroom break at a well known coffee establishment, and we're all re-energized for the last half of our ride. Columbus Parkway - you wouldn't know from driving that it's all uphill. Two of the other 4 I'm riding with have to stop for a breather. I may be going slow, but I just keep on pedaling ... cuz I ain't stoppin' on no hill :-) I turn onto Lake Herman, and the thoughts of the Zodiac come to mind. I'd better not get too far ahead. So I stop in the shade to switch my water bottles out, remove my arm warmers, and then glance behind me. I see someone coming, so I hop on again.

Lake Herman Road is a nice, two lane road from which you can see Lake Herman, of course. But there are rollers and hills, and it's on this road where I hit 37 mph on a descent ... and boy did it feel good. I was definitely more cautious and alert, but it was a straight away, so I felt comfortable with the speed. I smile and let out a "Woo Hoo!" as I began to slow due to another incline. "That was it," I think to myself. "I think I'm over it (the crash)."

We take a left back onto Lopes for the last 8 miles, and I finished feeling great.

37 Feels Good Again, Part 1

2008-03-09T09:17:00.000-07:00

35-mile buddy ride right in my own back yard yesterday. I didn't have to load up the car to get to the meeting place; I just pedaled down the street towards Rodriguez High! But since I was out of my (somewhat) pre-ride routine, I ended up riding back home a couple times for things I'd forgotten ... my jacket, for one. And DUH - your water bottles, girl! Whatta rookie. Wonder what my poor brother must have been thinking. "At least we got in a good warmup?"

(No, my brother didn't do the buddy ride with us yesterday. Since he's not part of the team, he was only able to do the Napa ride with us. So he rode out in the opposite direction to Jelly Belly just before we rolled out towards Benicia. Maybe next year, Rob?!)

I think there were 12 of us out on Lopes heading toward Lake Herman, which is my usual mid-week ride. Lopes to Lake Herman and back - 16.5 miles. Yesterday, however, we'd cross Lake Herman onto East 2nd Street and keep on going. Then, right turn onto Military and into Benicia State Park. Out of the park, we'd turn left to get onto the long and gradual incline of Columbus Parkway. We'd turn right onto Lake Herman (yes, the same Lake Herman that was made famous by the Zodiac Killer), and then a left back onto Lopes towards the high school where the morning began.

I started out in the middle of the pack. It was kind of exciting to be riding this familiar road with 11 other people. It's definitely a different dynamic than when I'm riding solo or even with my usual riding group. For one, we hit 21 mph on a stretch that I've probably only gone 14 mph max! Man, whatta feeling ... I was lovin' it! But I eased up a bit, as I knew I wouldn't be able to carry that same pace for the whole ride. "Someday I will," I thought to myself. "For now, let's keep it real."

We regrouped at the top of Lake Herman. (Three speed racers went on ahead.) "This is where I normally turn around and head back home," I told the team. Not today though. Not today.

... to be continued ...

Flat My Foot!

2008-03-02T21:23:00.000-08:00

I will no longer believe our coach's email if it ever says the course will be "relatively flat."

This was one of the beautiful sites on our 39-mile Sonoma ride yesterday. Flats, rollers, and 3 hills, one of which was Duhig Road - a long gradual incline along the left side of this winery. The stately architecture served as a momentary distraction from our physical exertion.

Updates and Exciting News:
- Recently reconnected with a couple long lost friends - a junior high friend from Virginia, and an old friend from CAL. Unfortunately, I learned my CAL buddy was diagnosed with CML - the same form of Leukemia that Roman has. The good news is medication is keeping him well and in remission.
- Braces come off May, 14th! I'll be fitted for a retainer that'll have 4 prosthetic teeth which I'll wear until I can get dental implants.
- Roman and Jun are well into their rigorous (TNT) IronMan training.
- Trish and Leona, Roman's sister and cousin (which make them my cousins-in-law) are also participating in an endurance event, LLS's Hike for Discovery .
- This will truly be an exciting year as we celebrate the culmination of our endurance events and celebrate Roman's 5th year in remission.

GO TEAM!

2008-02-19T19:25:00.000-08:00

We headed out to Dry Creek early, my Bro. and I. Excited, yet calm at the same time, I wasn't nervous at all ... unlike the last time I rode Dry Creek. Determined to just go out and have a good time, I reminded myself to just ride at my own pace. The coach said, "This is not a race, and it won't be a race in June or July either." So I got myself in a good place, mentally, and had a really good 27.3 mile ride.

Some team mates from Summer Season ... Left to right: Kim, Chani, Me, and Nader. GO TEAM!

Tessa's Extreme Cycling Challenge, Part Deux

2008-02-13T21:35:00.000-08:00

OK, I’m back in the saddle again!
First official training ride of the season was last Saturday.
Time trial at Dry Creek is this Saturday. Same time trial route as Summer Season, but I'll let you know how I do ... given my torrid history with that area.

Recap from Summer Season:
In May 2007, I signed up with Team in Training (TNT) to bike a century in honor of my husband’s cousin, Roman Seguerre, who was diagnosed with leukemia in 2003. In exchange for coached workouts and preparation for the endurance event, I committed to raise funds which would go towards finding a cure for blood cancers. I was overwhelmed by the financial support that poured in. Thank you!

However, mid-season (July 07), I was involved in an accident while training with a friend. My challenge would be put on hold. Thankfully, TNT also allowed me to put my funds on hold, until I was ready to get back in the saddle and train with the team again. Well, after 7 long months, I’m ready!

Aiming High for the Spring Cycling Season:
Because I was fundraising for Honolulu last year, I've already exceeded the fundraising necessary to participate in June’s America’s Most Beautiful Ride. HOWEVER, I am only $300 away from participating in the 2-day, 200 mile, Seattle to Portland Bicycle Classic which will be held in July!

If you’ve already contributed to my cause, I thank you for bringing us one step closer to a cure for blood related cancers. If you haven’t made your donation and you’d like to partner with me in my 100 and 200-mile, extreme cycling challenges, I encourage you to give generously. (Click on the link at the top, right.) While I need your support to help me finish these rides, these people need your support to cross the ultimate finish line - finding a cure!

This year, Roman, will celebrate his 5th year in remission thanks to a drug called Gleevec. The Leukimia & Lymphoma Society, contributed over $8 million dollars towards Gleevec’s initial research. Give, and together we can help cure cancer one mile at a time!

Tessa
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America’s Most Beautiful Ride - Tahoe, June 1, 2008
100 miles around Lake Tahoe. Challenging 800-ft. climb overlooking Emerald Bay. A 1,000 ft. climb over Spooner Junction. Many ascents and descents totaling over 2,600 vertical feet of elevation gain.

Seattle to Portland Bicycle Classic , July 12-13, 2008
200-mile, 2 day bike ride through scenic valleys, forests, and farmlands of western Washington and Oregon. Bicycling Magazine has listed this ride as one of the best cycling events in the nation!

I'M SO BUSTED!

2008-01-29T17:49:00.000-08:00

Both my daughters had orthodontist appointments today. (We all see the same ortho.) It didn't cross my mind that Dr. B might want to look at MY teeth! Sure enough, before checking out my daughter's alignment, he asks to look at mine ... And wouldn't you know it ... i wasn't wearing my rubber bands! BUSTED!

"An Athlete's Prayer"

2008-01-28T23:13:00.000-08:00

Lord, You know I'm pushing on to finish this race

 I fix my eyes on You in everything I face 

Even when my feelings say it isn't so 

Your Truth that beats  inside my heart won't let me go 

With every step of faith,  You strengthen me 

Along every mile of trust,  You're remaking me 

'Tho a trail of sweat and tears  mark the path that I've come 

Until I finish this race ...  I'll continue to overcome 

(Hebrews 12:1-22, Corinthians 4:8-9)

"It's Not the Thai Food"

2008-01-28T08:09:00.000-08:00

There's been a lot of rumbling going on in the underbelly of my life. At the beginning of the year, my prayer was that I would be more aware of God's grace, and that I would in turn be more graceful and impart more grace to others in my life. I have been overwhelmed (in a good way). I feel revitalized. And I feel even more empowered to make what may seem like small but necessary adjustments in my life, so that I CAN be more graceful. I am hopeful. I am excited. I am blessed. I am full ... and not cuz I ate ;-)

Yesterday was my 40th birthday. It seems odd to say that, but I celebrated it proudly. In fact, I've decided to celebrate this milestone all year long :-) Why? Because life should be celebrated. I was profoundly reminded of that at Treasure Island yesterday while watching two of my friends complete an olympic distance triathlon event in the cold and the rain. Why would anyone subject themselves to that rigorous of an ordeal in less-than-desirable circumstances? Because they can.

Count your blessings.

Heavy Handbags and High Heels are a Health Hazard

2008-01-27T22:56:00.000-08:00

This is how you know you're approaching 40: Having to make an emergency appointment with your chiropractor for a horrible kink in your neck and shoulders due to the size of your handbag AND sore leg muscles from wearing heels all day.

And I'm supposed to ride how many miles? Sheesh!

Take a deep breath ...

2008-01-19T13:46:00.000-08:00

I was at the MacWorld Expo yesterday. No, I didn't pre-order a Macbook Air. But I was among the throngs of people standing in line to see it ... touch it. Pretty cool, but i can't justify it's purchase. I do love the advertising though ... "There's Something In The Air." There was another one ... 'Thinnovation."

Personally speaking, while I can't relate to the THIN part ;-) I have felt an anticipation, an underlying expectancy, of excitement and joy as I think about 2008. So yes, I do feel like there's "something in the air." 2007 came and went so fast. In 2008, let's really take the time to smell the roses ... and take deeper breaths at that. More to come ...

Before and After

2008-01-09T17:25:00.000-08:00

I wanted those Angelina Jolie lips, so I ...

Just kidding ... it's been 6 months since my accident and surgery. In some ways it seems like a long time ago; in other ways it seems like just yesterday.

I had an appointment with my orthodontist today, and he said that things are progressing well and that another surgery does NOT seem likely. THANK GOD! Fine adjustments still being made to my jaw with COUGAR bands, even stronger than the MOOSE rubber bands I've been (ehm, periodically) wearing.

Another bit of exciting news - tomorrow night is TNT's Informational Meeting for the Spring Season! I'll turn in my participation forms and officially begin training again. 6 months ago, I thought 6 months was too far out. Now I know it's just right.

GOSH MOM!

2008-01-08T07:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I did the worst thing a mom can do to her teenage daughter. I mortified her in front of her friend ... and a guy friend at that. I didn't do it on purpose, mind you. It was just one of those perfect timing moments, I guess!

I decided to sneak in a ride between storm fronts since we had some sun yesterday. I put my new saddle on my bike, new shoes on my feet, and had my new headband on. I was all geared up and ready to go, so I pressed the garage door button and made my way towards my bike. Next thing you know, I hear this, "OH MY GOSH, MOM!"

There was Lauren, sitting in the car with her friend who had driven her home from school. Hahahahaa!

(This picture was NOT taken yesterday, but can you imagine if you were 15 and YOUR mom came out looking like this!) Hahaha! Sorry Lauren!

Happy Belated Christmas and New Year!

2008-01-07T20:25:00.000-08:00

Santa was good to me this year. Truth be told, he always spoils me, not just at Christmastime. Goodies under the tree included a headband that keeps my ears warm while riding, road shoes sans laces, a new saddle, and an iPhone! But riding has been at a minimum as of late due to the holidays, the family parties, the weather, and the flu which made it's way around the family 1.25 times.

But I'm back in form ... eating form, that is :-) I guess the jaw's doing better, as I've been able to eat more. Yikes! Thank goodness training starts at the end of the month.

On a more serious note, not long after my last post, I received a sobering phone call from an old friend. A mutual friend of ours was recently diagnosed with cancer and would begin chemo on January 2nd. Please add George to your prayers. In June, I'll be riding in honor of him, among others.

Let's remember to count our blessings.

Stop Being Such A Whiner

2007-12-17T00:37:00.000-08:00

I'm realizing how self-centered I am. My once philanthropic riding endeavor has become this near obsession to progress, achieve, and conquer. I've lost sight of the fact that ...

~ every five minutes, someone new is diagnosed with blood cancer
~ every 10 minutes, someone dies
~ Leukemia causes more deaths than any other cancer among children and young adults under the age of 20

The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society is the world's largest voluntary health organization dedicated to funding blood cancer research, education and patient services. The Society's mission: Cure leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin's disease and myeloma, and improve the quality of life of patients and their families.

My cycling challenge isn't just for cycling' sake ... but to help raise funds to save lives. I need to be more mindful of that every time I'm tempted to beat myself up for falling short.

My Nemesis?

2007-12-15T15:44:00.000-08:00

"What the heck?" is all I can say.

We headed to Napa this morning. I was so excited I could hardly stand it! It was freezing, but I didn't care. About 3 miles up Dry Creek, I was getting nervous, really nervous, so my breathing was off. I got winded and had to stop ... a couple times to be exact. With my friend in front of me and my brother behind me, I also felt totally self conscious. I know they want to make sure I didn't crash again ... but hey, so do I, so of course I'm gonna be more careful. I finally told them, "Don't follow me; you're making me nervous!" We also decided to forget Veeder at the moment, I would calm down, and just see how I felt at the top of Dry Creek.

I slowed down and calmed down and finally got my rhythm down. I was feeling good, feeling strong. On the last incline, I'd decided I wanted to go ahead and give Veeder a try. I was gonna tell the guys when we got the stop sign at the top of the hill, but then the freakiest thing happened. Just as I was slowing down to stop, I noticed my right foot felt wobbly. I called out to the guys, "I think my pedal just came off!" Sure enough, the threads stripped a bit; my pedal, still attached to my shoe, separated from the crank. My ride would be over for the day.

I'm About To Burst!

2007-12-14T22:04:00.001-08:00

I'm so excited I can't stand it. I had a hard time falling asleep last night 'cuz I kept thinking about it. What, you ask, is getting me all giddy? I'm riding tomorrow ... in Napa ... hopefully Mt. Veeder ... but we'll see how I feel at the top of Dry Creek first.

Lake Herman has gotten B-O-R-I-N-G!
I'm ready to be challenged again.

Team In Training's informational meetings for the spring season are in January, so training is just around the corner!

I CAN'T WAIT!

Keep the Door Open

2007-12-11T00:27:00.000-08:00

Well Shut My Mouth

2007-12-07T10:13:00.000-08:00

Well the weather's cleared up, and while I want to ride, I don't have the energy. Did I mention the bracket on my lower right molar came off just before Thanksgiving? I had been wearing these moose bands in an upside down V to help with the last bit of positioning for my jaw. The bands are so tight, I guess it just pulled the bracket off. It didn't hurt. It just wasn't adhered to my tooth, so it would slide on the wire.

Good news is, I didn't have to wear the uncomfortable bands during Thanksgiving! Bad news is, they just fixed the bracket on Wednesday. In fact, they repositioned 3 other brackets while they were in there. So for the past couple days, my teeth have been hurting somethin' awful. To add to that, I started wearing the moose bands again last night :-( They are so tight I can't open my mouth. And ... I have to wear them as often as I can, except for when I'm eating.

Hmmm ~ does that mean I should eat all the time?!

My orthodontist said with the continued use of the stronger rubber bands, my bite should come along really well. In January, I'll have some special x-rays taken where they'll be able to identify the bone density at the breaks and where I lost my teeth. The braces will come off shortly after that, and they'll fashion me a retainer with prosthetic teeth. My surgeon and my dentist will then coordinate bone grafting and the dental implant process ... a process that'll take at least a year. I can't wait to have my own teeth again!

Funny story - last month, a friend of mine came with me to my ortho appointment. I always ask to brush my teeth when they remove the wires, so I can get in a really good, unobstructed brushing. While walking to the restroom, I briefly stopped just in front of my friend and smiled really big :-) She was on her cell phone, but her eyes got really big! She thought I'd had my implants awhile ago!

There's Something About the Rain ...

2007-12-05T21:44:00.000-08:00

"Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more "

(Edwin McCain's "I Could Not Ask For More")

Countdown

2007-11-30T19:21:00.000-08:00

We rode Dry Creek this morning (Friday). I hadn't been anywhere near that area since July 5th, so approaching the Redwood Exit, I started getting nervous. But the nervousness quickly subsided as I geared up in the chilly, morning air that I love. We only did a portion of the route, but I felt good, felt strong. I plan on doing the whole thing sometime soon.

Before going home, we drove up the backside of Mt. Veeder. It's as steep, narrow, and curvy as I remember. Around every other turn, I'd ask, "Is that it?" And then we finally passed it. We continued up to the area where I started my 36.6 mph descent on that fateful July morning and then back down to the accident site where we stopped for a bit. As I stood at the ditch, i thought, " ... oh, we're in front of Mt. Veeder Winery ... what a pretty sign ... i thought the ditch was wider than that ... " I turned around, looked up at the hill that I'd mismanaged, and tried to imagine myself coming out of the last two turns, the path I probably followed, the trajectory I most likely took, and then turned to the spot where I most likely landed. I just stood there awhile. Valle vs. Veeder. It seemed surreal.

But the hill hasn't won. The game isn't over. I'll be back for a rematch ~ December 15th. Wanna come?

I Said No!

2007-11-27T15:50:00.000-08:00

Andrew and I rode again Thanksgiving morning! First ride w/ his clipless pedals, so I was a bit worried ... but he did great. He'd been doing 7.5 mile rides, so I was determined to get him to the Lake Herman exit this time. Didn't quite go as planned, but it was a pretty funny ride, nonetheless.

We stopped where he's been turning around to head back. He drank some water, and I asked if he was ready for more. He said nope. I'm turning around right here. We bantered back and forth till he finally agreed to ride out a little more ... just past that tree over there, I said. Well, he rode waaay past the designated tree; and when he stopped, he turned his bike around to make it perfectly clear that he wasn't planning on riding out any farther. I asked anyway, "You gonna ride some more after you rest?" He just said, "NO." So we turned around and headed back home.

I laugh because it reminds me of the first time I rode the Lake Herman Loop. There was a spot where I stopped, turned around, and refused to go any farther. I argued because I was sure if I went all the way to Lake Herman, I wouldn't be able to ride back. I begged, I pleaded. My friend simply said, "NO!" And we turned around and continued back up the hill.

Although he didn't make it to Lake Herman, I DO give Andrew credit for doubling his regular mileage and riding 14 miles. I added miles towards the end of our ride :-) Rolling again this weekend.

By the way, I mentioned being ready to take on Mt. Veeder soon. Andrew and the girls immediately gave a resounding "NO!" Do I really have to wait till THEY are ready?

Happy Thanksgiving!

2007-11-22T21:52:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite quotes ... "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." ~ Unknown

Moments come and go so quickly, not to be repeated again. So why limit life?

While we may not be physically able to do some things at certain times of our lives, I remind myself, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

I can think
I can love
I can learn
I can anticipate
I can hope & dream
I can cry
I can share
I can get caught up ...

Don't hold back - experience it all. Smell the roses, and hold your breath.

I love it when ___ takes my breath away. You fill in the blank.

... a song
... a scent
... a sight
... a word
... a touch
... a memory
... a friend

Look for those colorful moments everyday and give thanks!

Look Who's Riding!

2007-11-19T21:11:00.000-08:00

We've ridden together three times now for a total of 20.1 miles. Andrew's doing really great. I'm hoping he'll be open to doing the entire Lake Herman route Thanksgiving morning. Notice his gear? I'll be getting his clipless pedals tomorrow :-)

On Guard

2007-11-15T00:27:00.000-08:00

Remember I quoted C.S. Lewis? "God sometimes seems to speak to us most intimately when he catches us, as it were, off our guard.” Well, I read that in fencing, the guard is a position of readiness assumed by a fencer with body and weapon to prepare for attack, defense and counteroffense. A fencer first assumes the guard from first position.

Now, I've never taken up fencing, but that is SO me. And it became all the more real to me when I received an early morning call from Hawaii on Sept. 30th. Though very much appreciated, the call woke me up before I was able to ... put on my guard ... and my response of tears really surprised me, though it shouldn't have. I was, after all, feeling disappointed, discouraged, and left behind ... though I rarely acknowledged it.

See, I was supposed to ride in the Honolulu Century on Sept. 30th, but it's been almost 2 months since it's come and gone. And it's taken me this long to blog about it. Though disappointing, missing The Marin Metric wasn't hard to get over, since I was able to see the team at the finish line. Missing Honolulu, on the other hand, stirred up emotions in me that caught me totally off guard. I'm better now, but in retrospect I really was okay back then too.

I feel like I always need to be strong, and I realize I am not. But instead of being disappointed in myself, I'm realizing those moments remind me of how much I am in need of my Savior, Jesus Christ. What wonderful opportunities to experience fresh revelations of His presence in my life.

I Love My Peeps

2007-11-14T15:00:00.000-08:00

God has brought some wonderful women into my life, at this time of my life. They're not perfect, they're real, authentic, and transparent, God-honoring women who make me laugh and think and cry and pray. We share moments weekly, even daily ... moments that God knows I desperately need. They are Supportive, Entertaining, and Xuberant, and they remind me to pause and to enJOY today.

PS ~ Andrew and I have been riding! 5 miles on Saturday and 7.5 miles today. We'll shoot for 10 this weekend. Riding with Andrew has been good for me, as I have the tendency to push myself way too much for my own good right now. But the moment he starts catching up to me or passing me up - I'm high tailing it into another gear ;-)

Downtime

2007-11-09T14:53:00.001-08:00

Feelin' better after deciding to give myself some much needed (biking) downtime - not that I'm doing all that much. But it's amazing what no calendar, no schedule, no goal, and no measuring can do. It's all self-imposed, really ... the pressure and expectations. But with Andrew getting his bike, and with his "I'm not doing no endurance event, I'm doing this for my heart" statement, I've found myself sort of easing up on the "training mentality" and just feeling excited to be able to spend some time on the road behind him! Funny thing is, he hasn't been able to ride yet. After he bought his bike, his gout flared up. But we're hoping to do some pedaling around this weekend. Even HE is looking forward to it! And you know what? I'm kinda missing golf!

Just a medical update - I've been given a clean bill of health from my physical therapist! Though I will miss Petra and her warm, German-accented, chit-chattiness ~ I will NOT miss her jaw-bone stretching treatments ;-) Now just my orthodontist and chiropractor appointments. Whew.

(My surgery was 4 months ago today.)

The Body Knows

2007-11-04T21:19:00.000-08:00

I guess I was pretty exhausted last week. Monday night, I fell asleep at 8 pm and didn't get up till 7 the next morning. I took it easy in the middle of the week. But then last night, I crashed out early again with a horrible headache. I'm not normally a napper, so I guess my body just wanted some much needed rest.

Now that I'm working again, I'm having trouble keeping to an eating and drinking schedule, like I used to when I was training. It's very easy for me to get caught up in projects, and by the time I know it - it's 2 in the afternoon! I'm not doing a very good job at remembering to take my meds either. There's just so much to keep track of and do that it really does get kinda irritating after awhile. There were the twice daily, occupational therapy exercises with the clay ball and elastic band that I've just totally omitted from my regime. There's the cheek muscle stretching thing I'm supposed to do morning and evening. And then the meds - five different pills (some horse-pills in size), oh and not to mention the morning protein shake with which I'm supposed to start the day! Thank goodness the doctors' appointments have dwindled down. I know - I seem like an organized person ... and in most other cases, I really am. It's just gotten a bit much for me. I can't imagine what those going through chemotherapy and radiation treatments have to go thru. (I can hear you cancer survivors going, "Ya, that's nothin!)

Me -I'm not fighting for my life. I fell. I got an owie (a big one). And I'm recovering. I know that. But I can't tell you how emotional this journey has been and still is for me. The questions, the frustration, the thankfulness, the disappointments, the gratitude, the guilt, the exhaustion, the bursts of energy, and then the exhaustion again.

I can't even begin to imagine the ups and downs of those battling with cancer, fighting for their lives. So please, if you remember, continue to pray for me, and continue to pray for those whose lives have been forever affected with cancer. The road is so much longer than we think ... I just thank God we never have to walk the road alone. Thanks to those of you who've been there.

"As it were"

2007-11-02T08:55:00.000-07:00

“What seem our worst prayers may really be, in God's eyes, our best. Those, I mean, which are least supported by devotional feeling. For these may come from a deeper level than feeling. God sometimes seems to speak to us most intimately when he catches us, as it were, off our guard.” C.S. Lewis

"As it were." Is that like when we talk and motion open and closed quotation marks with our fingers when we say "a certain word"? Meaning to say, this is what we're saying, but we really don't mean what we're saying, but I know you know what I'm REALLY saying?

I've recently become more prayerful, as it were ;-) Not that I've physically been on my knees more, but that the posture of my heart has changed ... as I just flat out tell God stuff sometimes, without censor. Try it. Draw near to God, and He'll draw near to you. And don't worry ... God will never be surprised by what you have to say or feel.

So ... I've been thinking ... I should probably change the name of my blog. My posts have been few and far between, mostly because my rides have been just as frequent. And alot of times, the things I have on my mind have nothing to do with riding anymore, but with the unexpected things I'm learning about myself as I'm NOT riding as much. But we'll see. Feel free to suggest a title or two ...

Oh How He Warms My Heart

2007-10-30T21:52:00.000-07:00

Well, he's finally gone and done it!

Andrew bought himself a bike on Sunday, and oh how it warms my heart!

We'll take a spin around the neighborhood soon :-)

Wanna Race? (Ya right)

2007-10-25T23:23:00.000-07:00

18 miles this afternoon, but feeling somewhat uninspired ... and left behind. Someone told me, "It's not who finishes the race first, but that you finish." I said, "Ya, but I'm not even IN the race yet!"

So I'm just chugging along, keeping to my 10% mileage increase per week. (Though I can now add a mid-week ride of half the mileage on my indoor trainer.)

I think I also miss is the comraderie that comes with coached trainings and group rides. Good news is ... Andrew's alot closer to buying a bike of his own!

I Want To Ride My Bicycle

2007-10-20T13:04:00.000-07:00

If anyone knows how to post songs on their blog, please let me know. Woke up this morning with a song in my heart ... this song by Queen :-)

"Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle

I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like"

Everybody sing it now ....

The Tan Line Fades

2007-10-18T22:53:00.000-07:00

I had to take a break which was really hard to do. But I rode yesterday for the first time in a couple weeks. I didn't notice till after I put my shorts on, but my biker tan is fading. An indication of my deacreasing time out on the road. Always hated the tan line. Now I kinda miss it.

I had a good ride. Around mile 12 this SUV pulls up behind me and slows down. I try to stay focused and keep pedaling. I get a little creeped out, though, as the window's rolling down. But this really sweet guy (Andrew) calls out, "Hey, how ya doing?"

Nice surprise, Honey. Thanks for checkin' on me.

Words of Wisdom from a Survivor

2007-10-17T14:54:00.000-07:00

I want to share this email I received from a courageous friend of mine ... Thanks L. for your courange, your friendship, and your inspiration ...

Dear Family and Friends,

As most of you know - October is BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH and it was two years ago this month that I finished chemotherapy for my breast cancer! By the grace of God, I continue to be healthy and cancer free and I am very grateful for that. The purpose of my email is two - fold. First, I want to encourage you to shop at Safeway this month. They have thousands of items that are tagged "pink ribbon" and a portion of the proceeds goes to the Safeway BC Foundation. These are normal items you would purchase anyway - everything from meat to snacks! Kmart and Raleys have lots of pink ribbon items as well. Second, since my "journey" through breast cancer, I have had a lot of time to think about things that were said and done by well meaning people that were just plain WRONG. No sour grapes here, though, my intention is to educate you and help cancer patients and their families that you may encounter in the future. So I have compiled a list that I will entitle:

THE TOP 10 WAYS TO HELP A CANCER PATIENT & THEIR FAMILY

1) Say, "I'm praying for you." And then DO IT!

2) Treat your friend/relative the same as you did before their cancer diagnosis. Throw in a few extra hugs.

3) Share a story about a friend/relative who BEAT cancer and keep stories about all those who died from it to yourself.

4) Offer to do something helpful like bring a meal, do yardwork, or clean their home.

5) Take their kids on a fun outing such as to a park or movie.

6) Send LOTS of cards. Amazing how a simple card could lift my spirits on the darkest of days!

7) Even though you may be curious, DO NOT ask specific questions like - "How big was the tumor?" "How many lymphnodes were involved?" "How long have you got to live?" The cancer patient will give you the amount of info she/he is willing to share.

8) Be a good listener. You don't have to be a problem solver or give advice.

9) Be sensitive about what you say. A cancer diagnosis is more than a bump in the road of life, is not always preventable through diet/exercise, and the bright side is not getting a pair of new Pamela Anderson breasts!

10) BE THERE to support your friend through this difficult time. As tough as it is for you to see your friend in pain, it's even tougher for your friend to feel the pain of abandonment, as if having cancer wasn't enough.

So, there it is. I hope each of you will NEVER have to use these tips in the future, but unfortunately, I know many of your friends/family, and possibly even you, will battle this disease in the coming years.

Thanks and much love-
L. Clark
2 1/2 year breast cancer survivor because of HIM in whom I put my faith and trust.

FINE

2007-10-14T22:22:00.001-07:00

"How ya doing?"
"I'm fine ..."

Fine ... Someone told me "fine" is code for ~

F - frustrated
I - insecure
N - neurotic
E - emotional

~ which is how I often REALLY feel :-(

I'm frustrated at not yet being fully healed.
I'm insecure about my ability to complete a century.
I'm neurotic about getting back on some kind of a training schedule.
I'm emotional about feeling like this, when I know I should just be grateful to be alive.

So that's how i'm really feeling.

I Am Fearfully And Wonderfully Made

2007-10-06T09:15:00.000-07:00

"Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; too lofty for me to attain. Truly you have formed my innermost being.... I give you thanks that I am fearfully, wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:13-14)

I thought I was ready to kick it into high gear with my cycling regime. It has been 3 months, after all. I'd been going out riding and increasing my mileage by two miles a week. Once I was able to do my house to Lake Herman and back (16.5 miles), I figured I was ready for more. It had been my short, easy ride prior to my accident, so surely I was ready!

My goal was to increase my mileage every other day. That way I still had a rest day between rides. I did ...

12 miles on Thursday, 9/27
16 miles on Sunday, 9/30
17 miles on Tuesday, 10/2

I felt strong during the rides. It's recovering from them that I'm having trouble with, now that I've increased my weekly mileage. It started on Wednesday ~ I felt fatigued. Someone asked me if I had just woken up ... this was at 5:30 pm! My face was slightly swollen again, and I could definitely feel it in my chin. "Good thing it was a rest day," I figured. "Surely I'll be ready to ride again on Thursday.

Thursday rolls around, and though I'm not as tired, I start to feel some pain in my face. Back to the cold compresses that night. (OH ~ we were invited for dinner Thursday evening by one of the families who brought us a meal after my surgery. I was not able to partake of her delicious dish, since my jaw was wired shut. So they had us over and made it again for us Thursday night! Yumm-O!)

Friday ~ I take it easy, because though I felt better than Thursday, I didn't want to relapse. So definitely no early morning ride ... but maybe I'll be okay by the afternoon? And then it rains ... DARNIT! I WAS SOOO GONNA RIDE! Good thing I didn't though ... Because this morning, I didn't get up till 9 am. I must have really been tired, because I ususally can't sleep past 7:30!

Am I disappointed? Not so much. I knew I'd have to see how my body responded to my new goal and adjust accordingly. Though it seems reasonable in my mind, I'm learning how to listen to my body, which is fearfully and wonderfully made.

Up and Down

2007-10-01T23:13:00.000-07:00

Life can be alot like this staircase. It's beautiful, isn't it? Almost like a piece of art. Sometimes we're going up; sometimes we're going down. Sometimes we can't see where we're going, and it's scary. Sometimes we CAN and it's even more scary ~ paralyzing at times.

I get frightened on stairs where I can see between the steps. I wanna go up, but the thought of falling is terrifying, and I get stuck. Sometimes I even have to go back down.

But the staircase is beautiful, none the less, a work of art ... and so am I ... and so are you.

Gettin' There!

2007-09-22T09:23:00.000-07:00

Snuck in a ride this morning ... and it felt good. 12 miles in 56 minutes with an average speed of 12.8 mph. A huge improvement from my first ride after getting clearance (7.5 miles in 50 minutes). Slowly but surely, I'm gettin' there ..... Get ready Veeder!

One Down Four To Go

2007-09-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

I was officially discharged from Occupational Therapy yesterday! My wrist is much stronger. And I can identify specific activities that cause strain ... like scooping ice cream :-( That means no ice cream for me ... NOT! I just have Andrew scoop it :-)

I have to continue certain strengthening exercises, but I'm no longer under my OT's regular care. That's one less doctors appointment for me! Now there's just my physical therapist, chiropractor, dentist, and orthodontist.

Don't get me wrong ... I LOVE my health care team! It's just that I'm getting a little tired of seeing you all so much ;-)

Ride Just to Ride?

2007-09-15T09:28:00.000-07:00

Went out for a 10 mile ride today. Read a couple good cycling articles about recovering from an injury, so I tried not to think about performance - ride just to ride.

Ventured out of my neighborhood and headed 5 miles towards Lake Herman and back.

8 AM - the sun was out, but the wind was blowing. I turn around just at the end of my driveway to put the warmers on. Good thing I did, too.

Tried not to think about speed, cadence, or how much training I have do. Breath and pedal - that's all I thought about, the legs and lungs needing to get acclimated to my increased activity. The neck and chin have been pretty good. No muscles spasms.

But my thoughts wandered to a single mom of 3 children whom I met a couple weeks ago. (Our daughters go to school together.) Her husband passed away in July 2006. He seemed strong and healthy, but was involved in a car accident. During his hospital stay, he was diagnosed with Leukemia and needed a bone marrow transplant right away. Thankfully, there were able to find not just one bone marrow match, but 3! How likely is that? Unfortunately, towards the latter stages of the process, he caught an infection and died.

My intensity picks up, as if I'm racing for a cure.
Wait a minute ... I am.

Our First Grandparent's Day

2007-09-14T17:15:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's true ... we are grandparents! Exodus ~ just about 9 months old. One day we'll ride bikes together :-)

Back To The Grind

2007-09-12T16:17:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm back in work mode! I started a part-time job last week, which is good as it has helped me get back in the swing of things physically and mentally. It's also FORCED me to keep my cycling within my prescribed limits, a couple 20-30 minute rides a week for now.

Dusty (my new bike) needs a little attitude adjustment. I'm having difficulty shifting the front gears, particulary going from the granny to the middle gear. I'm hoping it's because she's still fairly new and not because I've totally lost all biking form in the accident! I'll bring her to the shop for a once over in a week or so and will let you know the prognosis ;-)

NEW GOAL : TAHOE, JUNE 2008

2007-09-01T23:05:00.000-07:00

CLEARED TO RIDE !!!

To my donors, family, and friends ~ It’s been 8 weeks since my accident and I just wanted to update you and thank you for your support, both through your finances and your friendship. I am recovering very well.

You’ll be glad to know that TNT has allowed me to transfer the funds you donated to another event once I’m ready to roll!

I was hoping for Arizona in November, but that team is already a few rides into training. And although I finally have clearance to ride, I have to remind myself I’m still recovering. This was quite evident when I over did it by riding 8 miles my first time out. There’s no way I’d be ready for an endurance event by November.

I’ve been instructed to take it slow so that I can heal well. Short, indoor rides on the trainer for me until my jaw fully stabilizes and I build up my endurance. Official training with TNT for America’s Most Beautiful Ride in Tahoe starts in February 2008.

This 100-mile century starts with an out and back on Highway 89 / bike trail to visit historic Truckee, CA. America’s Most Beautiful Ride then circumnavigates the highways clockwise around Lake Tahoe, in both Nevada and California. It includes a challenging 800-foot climb to a rest stop overlooking Emerald Bay and a 1,000-foot climb to Spooner Junction. There are also many short rolling ascents and descents totalling over 2,600 vertical feet of elevation gain! The altitude ranges between 6,300 feet and 7,100 feet above sea level.

Thanks again for being a part of this journey of mine.

Bit Off More Than I Could Chew

2007-08-28T08:09:00.000-07:00

Just over 7 weeks since the accident ~ I guess with the new teeth and all, I got a little optimistic and thought I'd go for the Porterhouse Steak instead of the ground beef! I realize I probably bit off more than I could chew yesterday, attempting to do 16.5 miles the first time back in the saddle. 8 miles really isn't that bad. Was I disappointed? Ya, at first I was. But this has been my encouragement ...

Philippians 4:11-13

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

... and for me, I'm learning that "everything" may sometimes mean doing "nothing", or "not quite so much" ...

This has definitely been a growing season for me.

Hi! This is Dusty ...

2007-08-27T20:35:00.000-07:00

She's an '07 Cannondale Synapse Feminine 3. "Why did I name her Dusty," you ask? Since I hadn't been cleared to ride, she's been parked in my family room for the past week during which all I could do was DUST her! Hmmm ... perhaps I should have named her DUSTER ;-) Oh the torture.

I did get an unofficial clearance to ride from my occupational therapist today. She said I've doubled the strength on my right wrist, so that's a good thing. She was able to isolate some tenderness in what she thinks might be the TFCC area, which may or may not give me trouble during a ride. So she said see how I do, and if it bothers me, to definitely stop .. which I will.

So did I ride today? You betcha ~ an hour after I got home! I attempted to do the Lake Herman Loop (16.5 miles) No wrist pain, but I could only make it to Marshview Road (4 miles) before the muscles by my jaw started throbing, so I turned around and headed home for a total of 8 short miles :-( I was bummed. I remember the feeling (muscle spasms) after the wires were removed. I guess it'll be light rides on the trainer for me for a little while. Hey, at least I CAN still ride, huh?!

Grin And Bear It

2007-08-23T21:11:00.000-07:00

I got my teeth! A single unit that appears to be 4 teeth. Though they are "false" teeth, they won't have the tendency to accidentally fall out since I have braces. They have brackets on them, just like my other teeth, and are secured by the wire from my braces.

My dentist, orthodontist, and their staff were wonderful in coordinating my extraction, dental impression, and delivery of the appliance so that I could have teeth as quickly as possible.

I was excited to have them put in. They look great; you can't even tell they're fake. But I got disappointed when I saw that there's still alot of work to do on the jaw - my bite's all off. My back teeth touch, but my front teeth don't, so i'm using rubber bands to hopefully guide it up some.

It was a bummer when the orthodontist said by Christmas we'll know if I need another surgery by how much the rubber bands were able to do, as the bones should be fully healed by then.

Today, however, my chiropractor said she can aid some in the proper alignment of the right side of my jaw, which is still a little off. So, thankfully, all my health providers are working together well for my best interest.

So it's been kind of a rough couple days ... but I'm doing better.

Spent the afternoon with my brother picking up and playing with his brand new, all carbon road bike. That was fun!

Oh, remind me to introduce you to DUSTY ... (next post) ...

"We Will Rebuild You"

2007-08-16T10:37:00.000-07:00

It's been 6 weeks since the accident.
Had a tooth pulled yesterday (total of 4 lost).
Will get dental impressions made at Orthodontist on Tuesday.
Will have prosthetic teeth on Thursday! Yay!
Had phone consult with surgeon this morning.

HE CLEARED ME TO RIDE!
Yay, again!

However, Occupational Therapist is giving my wrist a couple more weeks. Boo.
(It's okay, since I'm waiting for the bike I ordered to come in. Yay!)

My surgeon is so funny. After going over my treatment plan again, he says, "Don't worry - WE WILL REBUILD YOU."

What am I ~ the bionic woman?!

Frustrated With The Price Of Gas?

2007-08-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

Chew ... Or I Should Say "Gum" ... On This

2007-08-14T09:20:00.000-07:00

So I was a little discouraged a few posts ago. Since then I've had a physical therapy appointment for my jaw and an occupational therapy appointment for my wrist. Today I have an orthodontic appointment. Tomorrow I have a dental appointment. Thursday I have a phone consult with my surgeon. And Friday, I have another physical therapy appointment as well as an appointment with my chiropractor. Follow up with occupational therapist in a couple weeks. Whew. Thank God I've gotten my energy back!

I've really been chewing (or since my lack of teeth, I should say "gumming") on something a friend said to me the other day ...

At my PT appointment, I was instructed to start some jaw exercises to increase the left, right, and forward mobility in my jaw. I commented that I wish my surgeon would have told me this earlier, as I've only been working on opening and closing my mouth, and I could have been working on those other exercises as well.

He then said, "Do you think maybe he didn't tell you for a reason?" And this is the part I've been chewing on, "You seem to be the type of person who has a hard time pacing themselves."

I thought, "Wow, he hasn't known me long, but he does know me." Because that is me ... I don't like doing things half-heartedly. I'm either all in, or not in at all. And once I've set my mind on a goal, I usually have an action plan to attack. But I never thought about pacing myself. Perhaps that's what got me in trouble on the day of the accident. And I think that's what got me discouraged a few posts ago ~ thinking about how much time would pass before I'd be able to complete what I set out to complete.

Well, it's been almost a week since the "pacing" statement, and it's done my heart and mind good to think on it and how it applies to my physical recovery and to my life in general.

It's been better. I'm no longer pushing myself towards something without regard to how it'll affect me physically. (I may have to postpone Tucson and do Tahoe instead. We'll see.) I'm learning to be more patient with myself. And I'm not as frustrated with the snail's pace of my healing.

What keeps me going, and what keeps my complaining to a minimum (yes, I do still complain to Andrew every now and then) are all the people on my honoree list, and all the individuals they represent who are enduring cancer. I most recently became aware of a friend's mother who could only complete 13 of 15 chemotherapy treatments because the inside of her mouth got so badly burned. MY doctors' appointments have served as reminders to pray for her, and those like her, going to their own, more serious, doctors' appointments.

There's an old, over-used quote I remember, "Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it."

GO TEAM !!

2007-08-05T13:02:00.000-07:00

I went to Marin to support the team yesterday. It was so good to see everyone. It was a tough ride, I heard. These were the first ones to roll in from our group. (I forgot to take a picture of the whole team, sorry!) Coach Coop (head coach) at far left.

My friend Jun, who was riding with me when I crashed, wasn't sure whether he was going to participate. So glad he did. (He completed the Mt. Tam Century ~ a much harder route.)

"Your turn next," he said.

Dee Dee, my TNT mentor, and Kelly (pictured w/ me and Jun above) will be coaching for November's Tucson ride ... that's my goal.

The one who inspired me to ride, my friend Jean. She's training for her 2nd century ride! You go, girl!

Coach Coop said when I'm ready to get out there and join TNT again, the team will gather 'round me and protect me when I ride like the Discovery Team did for Lance! I can't wait for that day :-)

Congratulations, Team, for what you accomplished yesterday ... for yourselves and for those enduring cancer. See you on the road soon.

TTT
(Tina the Tougher, my TNT nickname)

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--() / ()

Dialog With Doctor Drums Up Deep, Disquieting Debate Within

2007-08-03T09:48:00.000-07:00

I had my 2nd follow up with my surgeon yesterday, 4 weeks since the accident. Monday marks 4 weeks since my surgery.

The light-hearted and upbeat visit started with a firm, but warm handshake from my doctor. (Andrew and I agree he looks really familiar.) As he turned to wash his hands, the subtle bantering began ~ he commented, "You're face is looking more and more human."

Caught off guard by his humorous candor, the only response I could muster up was a laughing "THANKS ALOT! That's really encouraging!"

He checked a couple things here and there, but went on to tell me what to expect during my treatment plan. Here it is in a nutshell: swelling may take up to 2-3 months to subside; tightness in the jaw will loosen over time with exercise (continue with the goofy faces); I'll start physical therapy to help increase mobility of my jaw; my orthodontist will put prosthetic teeth in place until I'm able to get dental implants; this will start when my surgeon feels my jaw is strong enough; he'll do some bone grafting, which takes 3-4 months to heal; after which my dentist will complete the implants which takes another 3-4 months of healing; all the while, my orthodontist will aid in the proper alignment of my teeth.

Bottom line ~ He said he's estimating 2 years for full completion of my treatment plan, barring the need for another surgery if the bones don't heal correctly, which won't be known for about a year.

Andrew and I turned to each other and just said, "Wow."

We knew the road would be long ... we just didn't know how long ... or the intricacies and collaboration that would be involved. I have many visits to my doctor, surgeon, orthodontist, dentist, physical therapist, and chiropractor in store.

My immediate thought was, "Ok, that's ok. I'm grateful neurosurgeons or oncologists aren't included on that list."

So even though I asked a couple weeks ago, given the new information, I had to ask again, "So when can I ride?"

He said, "Ride what?" (Remember, he's kindof a smart aleck?!?)

I said, "My bike, when can I ride again?!"

He said, "You're ready to ride?"

I said, "I've been ready!"

His immediate response was, "Usually not for 3 months (after surgery)."

I turned to grab a tissue, because I started to tear up. (I don't know what I was thinking, hoping to get clearance yesterday.)

Realizing he was addressing a bike enthusiast and not just a casual rider, he slowed down and explained: it normally takes 6-8 weeks for the bones to heal. It's only been 4, so the bones are still soft. He wants me to get a couple physical therapy sessions in, another follow up in a couple weeks ... then he said he may consider releasing me after 6-8 weeks as opposed to 3 months, depending on how things are coming along.

Given his explanation - I guess I understand. He did say I can ride on a trainer in the house.

Andrew was relieved I think. But seeing I was discouraged, he took me to a couple bike shops after the appointment. Bless his heart.

Here's where the "disquieting debate" with myself began this morning ...

Two years is a long time, but what am I complaining about ... at least I'm not wondering whether I'll be alive in 2 years. I'm worried about my teeth, and eating, and kissing my husband, for goodness sake!

I'm already missing the Marin and Honolulu rides. What if I can't recover in time for the Tucson ride? What am I whining about ... even though I can't ride right now, at least I CAN still ride later!

Ok, so it's really not so bad, I tell myself trying to diminish the effects of the accident ... though the accident was pretty traumatic.

I'm mad at myself for being discouraged when things could be alot worse. And yet, I'm mad at myself for not being okay with having these emotion-filled moments, however brief they are. C'mon, even Jesus wept, I'm remided. It's okay.

If you pray for anything for me ~ pray for patience ... that I'll have patience in my recovery process and have patience with myself.

God is with me; I know I'll be fine. I just need to remember, "It's a better ride than it is a drive." (June 30th post.)

Thanks for letting me share.

Bittersweet Anticipation

2007-08-01T15:58:00.000-07:00

Bittersweet - arousing pleasure tinged with sadness.

I'll be at the Marin Metric this Saturday, August 4th ~ but as a spectator and not as a participant. Tomorrow will mark one month since my accident.

I want to be there to support the team, to cheer them on, and to high-five them in congratulations when they roll into the finish line. For some, this is THE ride. For others, it's the half-way mark to the Honolulu Century (100 miles). They've trained hard, harder than they ever thought they could, and they've touched lives that they never thought they would, by raising money to help find a cure for blood cancers. BRAVO!

While I'm excited for them, I can't help but feel a sense of disappointment for not being able to ride with them. But I'll have my turn too, this I know. I have another follow up with my surgeon tomorrow.

"For the Love of Andrew"

2007-07-30T12:15:00.000-07:00

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Andrew is a great picture of what love is ...

I was medicated, had my jaw wired shut, and I still continue to heal, but Andrew has been patient and kind as he blended my smoothies, prepared my soups, and continues to take great care of me.

Never did he envy others when he was nursing me, and never did he boast to others about the great job he was doing; Andrew is not proud.

He is never rude, nor is he self seeking, though I can be difficult to be around at times (and not just now as I'm healing).

Thank God, he's not easily angered and never reminds me of my wrongs.

Andrew does remind me of the TRUTH of God's word when I get discouraged. He does not delight in evil.

He always protects me, always trusts me, always gives me hope, and helps me to persevere.

I thank God for blessing me with a husband like you.

Chin Up

2007-07-26T12:09:00.000-07:00

I'd be a hypocrite if I only blogged about my good days. So here I am admitting that yesterday was pretty tough. But I took multiple naps and kept my chin up ... literally ... hahahaha!

I woke up with a headache that just wouldn't go away, and my chin became increasingly achy as the day progressed. The stiffness seemed to spread beyond my chin to both sides of my jaw. I'm attributing it to the fact that I've been exercising it much more ... meaning I've been eating more :-) I also had an orthodontic appointment the day before. Though no work was done, I did have to open my mouth wider than I was used to so they could assess the damage. And then I visited with some friends for a bit afterwards, choppin' it up and laughing more than I was probably ready for. So I really felt it yesterday ... as did my husband and daughters. I was a real pill to be around.

Today is much better.